


Heart's On Fire

by scruffylou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Chaptered, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Love, M/M, Slight Drug Use, multi-chaptered, ziall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:02:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1670636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffylou/pseuds/scruffylou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Niall stared at him dumbly, surveying his scruffy, dark beard and his thick hat that covered all of his ears except the lobes.  Up close he was even more exotic looking than he’d been from the restaurant.  His eyes looked tired, but bright and there was a life in them that was missing from most people’s at the university Niall spent most of his time at.  There were stories in the glowing auburn irises. His skin looked warm and tanned from sun and saltwater and his holey jumper and beaten up boots seemed as if they should belong to some kind of modern day pirate.  As Niall started to scan the tattoos on his hands and forearms, the boy knelt down in front of him, balancing himself on his haunches.  Niall’s silence must’ve made him worry that he’d hit his head when he fell or something.  The boy looked into Niall’s eyes with concern.  “Hey, mate, I’m sorry I yelled, I just-uh…you alright?'"</p><p> </p><p>Niall Horan is a rich kid who feels stuck on the path to replacing his father as head of a huge corporation.  Zayn Malik is a poor sailor who works on the docks of Dublin.  When they meet by chance because of Niall's clumsiness, both of their lives are changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I made Bobby a prick! It was necessary, I swear. This fic will be multi-chaptered, but I'm not sure how many yet. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Fiction obviously. But oh how I wish Zayn was a sexy sailor.
> 
> Title is from the Passenger song "Heart's On Fire."

                Niall Horan was a rich kid.  And that was putting it lightly.  His father Robert was one of the richest men in the UK.  Niall’s grandfather had started working in a factory in Ireland when he was sixteen and moved up the ladder until he owned the factory at twenty-three.  One factory turned into many factories, and that turned into an entire corporation that could justifiably be called an empire.  The empire had been run with morality, kindness, a hard work ethic, and intelligence.  And then it was turned over to Robert.  He was a miserable man, spoiled from a young age, growing up expecting the world to be handed to him on a silver platter.  And it was most days. 

                This particular day, he had made plans with his son to meet at a lobster restaurant on the water in Dublin to discuss how he’d been doing at University and talk about the future of the company.  Niall was dreading the meeting.  He still lived at home, in the Horan family estate in Malahide, but his father spent most of the time on the opposite side of the house taking business calls and messing around on his computer and Niall spent his time in his room, reading and doing homework or playing his guitar and his Xbox.  The two rarely talked, and when they did it wasn’t about anything important.  They had their own lives, and as unspoken rule, their lives didn’t intersect.

                Niall rode his bike up to the front of the restaurant, which sat directly on the pier.  The waves crashed against the worn wood of the docks and not many people were around, because it was chilly and still only eleven a.m.  Niall liked the uninterrupted sounds of the water and a few seagulls and wished to himself that he could skip the meeting and sit on the edge of the dock and just listen for a while.  But he knew it would piss off his dad so he chained his bike to the rack in front of the restaurant and slapped a padlock on it, wiped his sweaty palms on the thighs of his chinos, straightened his collar, and made his way up the front walk and inside.

                The restaurant wasn’t busy.  Most people around this part of Dublin couldn’t afford the overpriced lobster and clam dishes and expensive drinks.  Robert had grown up coming here before the area had become less than wealthy, and the place was still one of his favorites.  Niall spotted his father sitting in a booth in the back corner, sipping a brandy on the rocks.  He smiled when his son began to walk towards him, and Niall smiled back.  “Hey, Dad.  Sorry if ‘m late.  Class ran a little over today.  We were in a heated discussion about-“

                His father waved off his words and shook his head, smiling condescendingly.  “You probably could’ve made it on time if you’d just take the car I bought you.  That bike is so old and ratty, Niall.  I dunno why you insist on riding it around everywhere.  Your cheeks are all red and you smell like saltwater and sweat.”

                “I like being outside, taking time to enjoy the world,” he mumbled as he sat down in the booth and the waitress approached the table.  She looked about Niall’s age, with bright red hair tied up in a messy ponytail, and a bowtie and black apron.  She gave Niall a warm smile, which he returned.

                “Hello.  I’m Maureen.  You must be Niall.  Your father was tellin’ me you’d be meetin’ up with him today.  Can I get you a drink?”  She tucked a loose hair behind her ear and fiddled with her pen and paper nervously.

                “I’ll just have a water, thank you Maureen,” Niall responded politely.

                “Aw come on son, get yourself a real man’s drink!” Robert boomed and clapped Niall on the shoulder from across the table.

                “Dad, I gotta go back t’class after this, I’m fine, really,” Niall protested.

                “Bring him a pint of dark ale or something, Maureen.  Whatever you got that’s good,” Robert nodded and gave the waitress a wink.  She looked flustered, her pale cheeks a little red, but she smiled politely and hurried off.

                Niall sighed, but thought it’d be pointless to protest.  His dad was overbearing and annoying and he just didn’t feel like arguing that day.  “So what did you wanna talk about, then?” he asked, wanting to get it over with.

                “We’ll get to that! But I have to take a piss.  Order the food if that girl comes back before I’m done.  I just want the lobster, with the seafood medley, a baked potato, and the shrimp cocktail on the side.”  Niall had to smile at that because if there was one thing he and his father had in common it was their ravenous appetites.  He nodded at his dad and watched him walk to the back of the restaurant. 

                Maureen didn’t come back right away and for the first time, Niall noticed the beautiful view they had from their window-side booth.  He gazed out at the grey sky and the dark blue water, the white boats of all sizes lined up along the dock, bobbing in the water, and the seagulls swooping and calling overhead.  He saw someone on the dock, a dark haired boy with a beard wearing a grey beanie and an oversized black jumper full of holes, loading crates into one of the boats.  He was moving his mouth as if singing, and his dark eyes and coffee-colored skin made it obvious that he was not from around here.  Niall was transfixed by his style, his tattooed hands, his heavy boots.  He looked as if he’d seen adventure, he’d explored the world, and he probably knew a lot for his age.  For a second, Niall envied him.  He thought about his sheltered life at the estate and his inevitable future sitting in an office like his father.  He’d never left Ireland, and one of his biggest fears was that he never would, except for business meetings and negotiations.  He watched the boy untie the boat after he’d loaded all the boxes.  He hopped onto it with practiced skill and made his way into the control room.  The boat began coasting slowly away from the dock.  Niall imagined himself at the helm, sea air in his lungs, not having to answer to anyone and not knowing where he would be going next.  He felt his stomach flip at the thought.  It would be so good to be free…

                It was then that his father came back and he snapped out of his reverie.  “Much better!” he laughed and sat back down.  “Have you ordered for us yet?”  Niall shook his head. 

                “Haven’t seen our waitress yet,” he replied quietly.  Robert shook his head.

                “Well what the hell takes so long about a pint then?” he said a little too loudly.

                Niall shrugged and traced a water stain on the table with his finger.  “Do you still have your boat, Dad?” 

                “Sure do.  Why do you ask, Ni?”

                “Well I was just watching one of the guys workin’ out there and it just looks fun.  I dunno.  Maybe we could take it out sometime?”  Niall smiled hopefully at his dad.  Maybe this would be the one thing that they could have in common.

                Robert laughed.  “We can take it out, but you’re not working on a boat.  Boats are for relaxing.  At least for people like us.  I always hire someone to steer and all that shit while I eat and drink and sleep in the cabin.  Now _that’s_ the life.”  Niall’s stomach flipped again, but not from excitement this time.  He was disappointed.  He was his father’s only child, and his mum had left years ago.  She couldn’t put up with the old bastard, and sometimes Niall wished he could just leave too.  His ideas were so different from his dad’s, and whenever he let himself like the guy, he was let down.  “The last time we took the ol’ _Mother of Pearl_ out anyway was when you were about nine.  Your mum bothered me about it until I gave in.”  Robert didn’t even know Niall wasn’t listening to him anymore.  He was staring back out at the docks, dreaming about sailing away and never coming back. 

                The rest of the lunch went mostly the same way the beginning had.  When it was over, the two shook hands and Niall pulled a small silver key out of his shoe and unlocked his bike.  He got on and watched his dad drive away in one of his old classic cars.  Once he was out of site, Niall let the curiosity that had been brewing in his gut for most of the torturously long lunch win him over.  He had two hours before his next class and he turned his bike in the direction of the docks. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think so far. This is just the beginning. I can't wait to get out the rest of what's in my head for this!

Niall rode down the old planked dock, the tires making a hollow sound against the wood as they spun.  He stared at each boat as he rolled absent-mindedly in the direction of the water.  The waves lapped against the white fiberglass and the boats bobbed back and forth, their ropes tensing and relaxing and their flags waving in the wind.  Salty air filled Niall’s lungs and whipped his hair around his forehead and the tops of his ears.  The sky was grey and he could tell a storm was coming.  The gulls cried wildly and swooped down to skim the surface of the water every so often.  All of a sudden, Niall’s bike hit something in front of him with a loud “WHOP” and he was sent flying over the handlebars and landing on his back.  “What the-“ he grumbled and moved to get up and make sure his bike was okay.

                “Ah, are you fucking kidding me man?!  That was at least fifty pounds worth of shit you just knocked into the water, mate!  Why weren’t you lookin’ in front of ya?”  Before Niall could even look at his bike, he was being yelled at by the boy he’d been staring at earlier.  He was leaning over the dock looking at the crates that had fallen into the water when Niall hit them.  He turned around and looked down at Niall, his eyebrows drawn tightly together and his cheekbones hollow.  “You’re gonna have to pay for this man, really, I’m gonna be in so much shit,” the boy said with a little less anger and a little more worry in his voice.

                Niall just stared at him dumbly, surveying his scruffy, dark beard and his thick hat that covered all of his ears except the lobes.  There was a cigarette tucked in the fold of it.  Up close he was even more exotic looking than he’d been from the restaurant.  His eyes looked tired, but bright and there was a life in them that was missing from most people’s at the university Niall spent most of his time at.  There were stories in the glowing auburn irises. His skin looked warm and tanned from sun and saltwater and his holey jumper and beaten up boots seemed as if they should belong to some kind of modern day pirate.  As Niall started to scan the tattoos on his hands and forearms, the boy knelt down in front of him, balancing himself on his haunches.  Niall’s silence must’ve made him worry that he’d hit his head when he fell or something.  The boy looked into Niall’s eyes with concern.  “Hey, mate, I’m sorry I yelled, I just-uh…you alright?” 

                Niall blinked a few times.  “Yeah, yeah I’m good!  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t even see the crates, I was distracted.  Here, lemme give you some money for those…”  Niall sat up and rifled around in his pockets until he produced his nice leather wallet that he’d gotten for Christmas the past year.  He flipped it open and pulled out a few bills, holding them out to the other boy.  “A hundred pounds is all I got on me, but if it’s any more than that I can come back later and-“

                “No, that’s too much already.  I don’t need all that,” the boy said as he held the money in his hand hesitantly.  He was starting to feel bad.  He knew just by Niall’s perfectly pressed chinos and pastel blue button-down that he didn’t usually spend time around the docks.  And now here he was, all blonde hair, innocent blue eyes, and patchy red cheeks sprawled out in front of the boat on the ground. 

                “Take it, it’s okay,” Niall said fervently.  He was a little embarrassed for having made his first appearance at the docks this way.  He thought he must’ve looked like a proper twat, and he could feel the red heat creeping up his cheeks, the curse of being pale and ashamed at the same time.

                The dark-haired boy stood up and held his hand out.  He had letters tattooed on his knuckles, but Niall couldn’t make out what they said.  He took the hand that was offered to him and stood up, brushing himself off.  “I’m Zayn,” the boy said, looking down and to the side and anywhere else but at Niall because he spent most of his time alone and this whole interaction had made him feel awkward.  Dealing with money always made him feel awkward anyway.

                “Niall,” he answered, holding his hand out now to shake Zayn’s.  “Thanks for making sure I was alright.  I guess I looked like quite an ass just now.”  He laughed a little to himself, picturing what it must’ve looked like from afar, a skinny little Irishman flipping over the handle bars of his bike and landing straight on his ass.

                Zayn didn’t know why he was laughing, but he had to laugh a little too because Niall’s laugh was infectious and bright.  “No, no don’t mention it.  Thank you for the money.  Ya really didn’t have to do that.  Too much.”

                “Nah, I fucked up your inventory.  You can just keep the change for emotional damage.”  Niall smiled and chuckled again before turning around to check out his bike.  He knelt next to it and surveyed the frame, the wheels, the handle bars, everything.  It looked okay.  Not even a scratch and no bent spokes.

                “Is it alright?” Zayn asked, peering over Niall’s head a little at the bike.

                Niall picked it up and kicked the kickstand out so that it was standing next to him on the dock.  “It’s fine.  No harm done.”

                Zayn smiled politely and kicked a pebble into the water.  He looked up at the sky.  More clouds were rolling in and with the wind picking up, they were rolling fast.  He knew he needed to get the rest of his crates loaded and get home before it hit.  Waves would be rolling over the pier shortly if it was as bad as the approaching clouds made it look.  He glanced at Niall again, thinking about how weird he was and considering if he should ask this weirdo to help him load the rest up.  “What were you doing riding your bike down here with this storm coming anyway?” he asked suddenly, genuinely curious.

                Niall scratched the back of his neck, messing with the fringey hair that fell there.  “I just, I was havin’ lunch with my dad up at the lobster place and I could see the boats from the window.  I haven’t been down here since I was around nine and it just looked…it looks free?  I had some time before class and I just wanted t’look at the boats.”  He felt like he sounded like a child, but he was being honest.

                Zayn was a man of few words, but he could appreciate Niall’s curiosity.  The boats were beautiful and Zayn knew that when the sea calls to you, for any reason, it’s hard not to answer.  He smiled warmly at Niall.  “Yeah, I understand.”  Niall smiled back.  “I hate to ask you this, but if you have some time before class, do y’think you could help me get the rest of these crates on the boat before this storm breaks?   I know you already gave me that money, and I’m sorry to ask, but-“

                “Don’t be sorry, I’d love to!”  Niall grinned, and he meant it.  For a few minutes at least, he could pretend this was where he belonged, alongside a fellow sailor, ready to set off on a new adventure.  He immediately bent down and picked up one of the heavy crates, dirt getting on his perfectly starched shirt in the process.  He didn’t mind, he was just elated to be helping.  “Just tell me where to go, Zayn.”

                Zayn chuckled at the blue-eyed boy’s enthusiasm and shook his head as he picked up a crate too and lead Niall onto the tiny boat he worked on.  As they loaded crates, they talked.  Niall told Zayn about how trapped he felt at university and Zayn asked what he was majoring in.  “Business and minor in communications,” Niall replied flatly, trying unsuccessfully to mask his lack of interest in the subjects.

                “What do you _want_ to major in?” Zayn asked quietly. 

                Niall smiled.  People rarely asked him what he wanted or even talked to him about his feelings at all.  He appreciated it.  “Uh, Spanish and history,” Niall grinned as he stacked one of the crates on top of another against the side of the cabin on the small boat.

                Zayn liked Niall’s second answer better and smiled to himself at the thought of the boy speaking Spanish with his thick Irish accent.  He wanted to ask why Niall didn’t major in those things, but thought it better to mind his own business.  He was a private person himself and he had just met this guy.  He didn’t want to pry.

                Turns out he didn’t have to.  Niall was loud and friendly, and he was an open book.  He told Zayn about his father and the corporation (of which Zayn had heard and was shocked that the son of Robert Horan was helping him load crates onto a boat on one of the shittiest docks in this part of Ireland).  He told Zayn about his friends and their fathers and how he felt like he was stuck on the path he was born into and how he’d give away all of his money and his guaranteed future to do anything else.

                Zayn listened to him talk and he felt a little sad.  He had grown up poor, and his father had left when he was very young.  He was raised by his mother and she’d done the best she could, but she drank a lot and it was hard for him to be around.  His older brother, who he’d looked up to for as long as he could remember, had left home when Zayn was twelve and never come back.  When he turned sixteen, he had finally grown sick of the gangs around him and the sadness and the filth and he kissed his mum goodbye and headed for Ireland.  He worked odd jobs in restaurants and at convenience stores and sent most of his money back to his mum.  He stayed in hostels and motels, as he couldn’t afford or get approved for his own flat. Sometimes he’d shower in the bathrooms of petrol stations.  He met Liam, the owner of the boat he worked on, at a pub he was busing tables at when he was eighteen.  They’d gotten to talking and Liam offered him a job.  The job paid better than anything he’d had and it was steady.  He looked up to Liam and felt safe for once in his life.  He could finally afford a small flat a few blocks from the docks, and he was the happiest he’d ever been in his life, even if he was still a bit sad.

                He couldn’t tell Niall any of this, but he felt lucky.  At least he’d had people to talk to, people to connect with.  He’d had adventures and made loyal friends.  He felt like maybe Niall had never been happy enough to be really sad, and that made him upset.  It was silly that he was so excited just to be stacking boxes up on an old junker of a boat, but it was also depressing.  Zayn suddenly wished that he could somehow hire Niall onto the boat, let him major in Spanish, show him the old fisherman off the coasts of Liverpool and Blackpool, teach him about the world, just anything.  But he squashed that feeling and just let him keep talking.  He was a stranger after all, and he’d be leaving for class soon, and who knew if he’d ever even come back to the docks.

                Once everything was loaded and they were stood back by Niall’s bike on the dock, Zayn thanked him again for the money and for his help.  “Don’t mention it.  Really, thank you.  Best afternoon I’ve had in a while.”  Niall looked at his watch, the gold of the Rolex a little dusty from handling all the crates that were loaded up now.  “I’ve gotta run, Zayn, but seriously, thank you again!”  He shook Zayn’s hand and Zayn smiled warmly, his eyes crinkling in the corners. 

                “Anytime, Niall.”  He looked up at the sky again, a little worried because he knew the storm was about to break.  “Be careful riding that thing in the rain, mate.  Don’t get hit by lightning or anything.”

                Niall grinned.  “Don’t worry, I’ve ridden in worse weather than this.”  He clapped Zayn on the shoulder and climbed on his bike, kicking the kickstand back up with his right foot.

                “Don’t hit any crates on your way out either,” Zayn joked.  Niall laughed and began to pedal.

                “Bye Zayn!  I’ll see you around sometime,” he called behind him as he rode.  Zayn held his hand up as if to wave, but Niall had already turned around and was steadily disappearing down the dock.  The first raindrop hit Zayn’s cheek as he watched him ride away and smiled to himself.  Niall had been a good reminder to appreciate the simple things.  He wondered if and secretly hoped that he would be back.

                He made his way into the cabin to get his backpack and his old military jacket that he’d found in a thrift store somewhere in Dublin and started to walk down the dock in the rain, his heavy boots sloshing in the puddles as he headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a transitional chapter, but it's going to get good soon. I like slow-build, alright? :b

                Now that Niall had got a taste of the ocean, he was restless.  The next few days of classes were complete torture.  He found himself doodling on the corner of the spreadsheet that he was supposed to be editing for his computer class and staring out the window through economics.  Home wasn’t much better.  When he was supposed to be studying, he would mess around on his guitar and end up dazing off and just plucking the strings aimlessly.  He was trying to focus, he really was.  But he couldn’t stop thinking about the boats and how it would be to learn to sail.  The few hours spent at the docks had made him doubt everything he was doing.  Suddenly he felt suffocated in his button downs and ties, hated sitting in his room all the time, thought about what it would be like if his future wasn’t already chosen for him…

                On the other side of Dublin, Zayn was feeling different too.  Not restless, just unfulfilled.  He never talked much to anyone aside from Liam during late night, drunken, philosophical conversations, and he was busy these days anyway with his wife and two little girls.  He’d had plenty of friends, but none that really wanted to get to know him, and no one warm and open.  He didn’t want to admit it to himself but he was lonely, and talking to Niall with his childlike aura and his happy eyes and friendly, easy laugh had made him wish that they were friends. 

                The Saturday following their first meeting, Zayn was at the docks as usual, filling up the boat with gas for the trip he had to make that day.  It was early in the morning and a little chilly.  Mist hovered above the water and besides his normal beanie and military jacket, he wore a long scarf wrapped around his neck a few times to keep out the cold.  It was quiet on the water, and there were only one or two other people around.  Suddenly he heard the sound of tires rolling across the wooden planks of the dock.  He smiled, but didn’t look up from what he was doing.

                “Zayn!” he heard the thick Irish accent calling to him from a few yards away and he turned around to wave at his new friend.  “Hullooo! How the hell are ya?” Niall grinned as he braked right in front of the boat and put his kickstand down.  Zayn smiled in return, noticing Niall’s thick, white sweater and aviator hat with the flaps over his ears.  He looked silly and Zayn almost had to stop himself from giggling at the boy.

                “I’m good, man, how’re you?  Didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”

                Niall climbed off the bike, cheeks red and white puffs of air coming out of his mouth with every heavy breath.  “Yeah, neither did I, but…couldn’t stay away!”  Zayn’s stomach lurched at this and he didn’t know why, but it scared him so he wrote it off as bad eggs for breakfast. 

                “Yeah, it’s...it’s nice here.”  Zayn didn’t really know what to say.  He internally kicked himself for such a generic response, but Niall could save any conversation.

                “You workin’ today?  I thought maybe you could show me around s’more.  Maybe if I tell you the name of my dad’s boat you’d know where to find it?”  Niall was rambling, excited like a little kid, and invigorated to be back to the place he couldn’t get out of his mind. 

                “I have to kick off here soon, off to deliver this shit, but yeah I can’t point you in the right direction I think,” Zayn replied.  “What’s the boat called?”

                “You can’t laugh.  It’s painfully cheesy.  It’s the _Mother of Pearl_ ,” Niall snorted.

                Zayn didn’t laugh.  Mostly because he was in shock, but he guessed he shouldn’t have been because he knew how rich Robert Horan was.  “You’re serious, mate?” he asked, his glassy eyes wide.  Niall nodded, confused as to why Zayn was so surprised.  “I don’t have to show ya, then.  You can see her for yourself.   She’s right there.”  He pointed behind Niall, towards the end of the dock, and Niall followed his gaze, turning around.

                Now it was his turn to be wide-eyed.  “The big one?” he asked incredulously.  The boat that Zayn had been pointing at was at least three times the size of every other boat on the dock.  It could justifiably be called a yacht.  The Horan family crest flew on a beaten up flag on top of the second story of the craft.  Niall almost wanted to roll his eyes because it was just like his father to get something that loud and boisterous and braggish and never even use it.  What a waste.  He thought to himself that he’d almost be embarrassed to sail in something like that.

                “That’s the one,” Zayn answered.  “She’s beautiful.  I’d love to try to steer something that big.  It’s insane, man.  How do you not remember being on that thing?”

                Niall shrugged and turned around.  “Was too small I guess.  I like your boat much better really.  It’s much less obnoxious.”  Zayn laughed at that.

                “S’not really my boat, but thanks.  It belongs to Liam Payne, my boss.”

                “Well it’s great!  Speaking of it, the reason I came here wasn’t just to see you, even though I know that’s what you were hopin’” Niall joked and slugged Zayn in the arm while he winked at him.  Zayn laughed half-heartedly.  “I uh- I’ve been thinking a lot and I was wondering…maybe…maybe you could teach me to sail?”

                Zayn rubbed his scruffy chin awkwardly and the lines in his forehead creased.  “Ah, man Niall, I dunno…”  He hadn’t really expected it.  Being out on the water was his escape.  It was his time alone, not to mention that he was working.  He didn’t think Liam would really appreciate him having someone else on the boat.

                Niall smiled a little and Zayn could’ve sworn he was making his big, blue eyes look puppy-ish on purpose.  “Come on Zayn, I won’t be any trouble.  I just wanna learn!  I dunno anyone else that could teach me.  It’d be perfect.  It’ll be so much fun, I promise!”  Niall was practically bouncing on his toes at this point, nervous and excited all at once, full of anticipation.  He thought he knew that Zayn would say yes when he’d decided to ask him, but now he wasn’t so sure.

                Zayn’s hand moved to the back of his neck and he rubbed it and sighed.  “It’s just, it’s not even my boat Niall.  And something could happen to it.  I just…”  He sighed again.

                Niall was slightly panicking now.  He really didn’t know anyone else to ask and his father had a million contacts, but this was something that his dad couldn’t know about and couldn’t ruin.  This was going to be his secret.  His escape.  “I’ll pay you,” Niall interjected, grasping for the only thing he had besides his charm.

                Zayn instantly felt bad.  It was tempting, and he could use the money.  Getting by was a struggle when business was slow, and with winter coming, it would surely be sparse the next few months.  “I can’t take your money.  You already gave me too much for those crates last week.  I’m sorry Niall.  I just can’t do it right now.”  He looked down.

                Niall sighed dejectedly.  He put his hand on Zayn’s shoulder for a second.  “It’s okay, I understand.”  But he didn’t.  His face had fallen and his stomach was sinking.  Everything he had been dreaming about was slipping away fast.  He patted Zayn’s shoulder and moved to get his bike.  Zayn watched him kick the stand up.  His shoulders were slumped and his cheeks were pale instead of their usual red.  His bright eyes had dulled and all of the life and warmth that he normally possessed wasn’t there.  Zayn felt awful.  “I’m sorry I bothered you about it,” Niall said, really twisting the knife in Zayn’s gut as he climbed on his bike.  “Better let ya get to work.”

                Zayn sighed.  _Damn this kid and his big, dumb eyes and stupid, quivering lip._ “Fine, Niall.  I’ll teach you.”  He had to give in.  He couldn’t stand to see Niall so deflated and he knew he’d feel guilty for weeks if he let him leave.

                “Really?!” Niall suddenly sprung back to life, smiling with all his teeth.

                “Yeah,” Zayn groaned, but he smiled too.  He knew then that the rest of their friendship would be like this, because he couldn’t say no to Niall Horan and he figured nobody else could either.  Not with that crazy charm. 

                Niall let his bike fall to the planks with a clang and sprang towards Zayn, capturing him in a huge hug.  He kissed him on the cheek, which made Zayn crack up, and he just kept saying, “Thank you!” 

                “You’ve gotta be the most enthusiastic student in the world, and we haven’t even started yet,” Zayn laughed.  “I don’t even think I’m a good teacher.”

                “You’ll be the best teacher, mate.  I can’t wait!  We can even do the lessons on your terms.  I can skip class for ‘em.  Just call me the mornings you can do it and I’ll show up whenever you want!  What d’ya think, like twice a week?  Three hundred pounds a week?”  Niall was rambling again, bubbling with excitement.

                Zayn waved his hand.  “Too much.  No, way too much.  We can talk about that later.  Just write your number down for me and I’ll call you.  I don’t have a cell phone or anythin’.”  Zayn pulled a small, leather-bound journal out of his back pocket and skipped through pages of drawings and scribbles to a blank one and handed it to Niall.  He scrawled his number on the page.  Zayn thought his handwriting was as girly as any he’d ever seen before and he quickly made fun of him for it. 

                “Don’t be jealous,” Niall cracked.  “It’s pretty!”  They both laughed and he hugged Zayn again, and Zayn hugged back loosely, not used to someone so touchy.  “I’ll let you get back to work now, Zayn, but you promise you’ll call right?”

                Zayn smiled reassuringly and patted him on the shoulder.  “Promise, yeah.” 

                Niall picked up his bike from the dock and hopped on.  “I’ll see you soon!” he said cheerfully and began pedaling away.  “I’ll miss ya in the meantime!” he called over his shoulder, laughing as he made his way down the dock.

                “I’ll miss you too,” Zayn whispered to himself, smiling a little as his stomach kept churning.  He felt like something big was about to happen, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.  He picked the gas can back up and screwed the lid shut.  He untied the boat from the dock and hopped onto the deck.  He took a big breath of the morning sea air and made his way to the control room to set off for the day, feeling good and ready for whatever adventures were coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all will stick around since it's slow-build, but it's getting there. This chapter should make you smile. :]

“So you’re just gonna be out on the ocean alone with this guy?  What if he kills you or something?  Do you even know him?”  Niall and his two best friends, Louis and Harry were sitting by his pool.  It was indoors, which was practically unheard of around the area, and it had been a popular hangout spot while they were all in high school.  Louis was lounging on one of the chairs with a sunlamp beaming down on him, sunglasses on and t-shirt laying on the ground next to him.  He was a warm bronze color and he had his black swim trunks rolled up to his thighs because “he was working on his legs.”  Niall rolled his eyes. 

                “He’s not gonna kill me Louis, he’s a nice guy.  Plus I’m paying him.”

                “You’re paying him?” Louis asked, lowering his sunglasses and peering at Niall over the tops with disapproval.

                “Yeah, why not?  He’s takin’ up some of his time to teach me.  He was real reluctant about it because it isn’t even his boat.”  Niall explained, sticking his feet in the water and swinging his legs back and forth over the side of the pool.

                “It’s not even his boat?!  For God’s sake Niall, he sounds like a real winner…  I mean, really, what if he ties you up or something?”

                “Kinky…” Harry grinned cheekily from his spot on the chair opposite Louis, and this earned a laugh from Niall.

                “Such a smart bastard,” Louis shot back, whipping Harry with his t-shirt.  He sat up and took his sunglasses off, then turned off the sun lamp and turned his attention back to Niall, who had slipped into the pool now.  “I’m just saying, be careful.  You don’t want to die in the middle of the ocean with someone you barely know.”

                “Well thanks for worrying, but I think it’ll be okay Lou.”  Niall laughed and thought about Zayn’s warm smile and the way he squinted his eyes when he was happy to be talking about something.  He didn’t just _think_ it would be okay.  He knew it would.  And he wanted to play it off cooly to his friends, but really he had never been so excited about something. 

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

                Niall didn’t have to wait long for his first lesson.   Zayn called him from a payphone by the docks the Tuesday after they made their agreement.   He was nervous as he read the page in his notebook with Niall’s number written on it and dialed slowly.  He realized the door behind him wasn’t shut and he pulled it closed a little more harshly than he meant to, but his nerves were getting the best of him.  He didn’t know if it was because he just wasn’t used to having a real friend or if it was because the blonde boy with wide blue eyes and an easy smile was making him feel something that he didn’t really know if he wanted to.  He felt vulnerable and if there was one thing Zayn hated, it was feeling like he couldn’t protect himself.  He hung up the phone, slamming it onto the hook before he could even dial the last number.  He closed his eyes and sighed, then picked it up again and decided to do this like taking medicine, fast and painless before you can think about it.  He dialed the number again, as quick as he could and held the phone to his ear.  Niall answered halfway through the third ring.

                “Hello?” he said brightly into the phone.

“Hello, Niall, it’s Zayn.”  He’d closed his eyes again, and his stomach was churning.

“Zayn!  Hey!  How are you?” 

“I’m great, really good.  Uh, I have some time today and if you’d like, um, we can do your first lesson?  Maybe?”  He was babbling now and he kicked the wall of the phone booth lightly with his boot.

“Yeah!  I’d love to.  No classes today either, so that’s good.”

“Yeah?  Okay, well I have to kick off here soon, so can you be here in about thirty minutes?”  Zayn asked.  He swore he could almost hear Niall smiling into the receiver on the other end, and he smiled too in spite of how nervous he was.

“You got it, man,” Niall said, “Practically on my way!”  And he was.  Before he was off the phone, he’d already grabbed his backpack and as Zayn was telling him where to park his bike, he was making his way out the door and to the garage where he kept it.  Zayn smiled as he heard the clang of Niall knocking it over in the dark garage followed by an, “Oh shit, are ya serious?!” from his friend.

“Alright, well I’ll see you soon, mate,” Zayn laughed lightly.  “Careful on your way.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, ha ha,” Niall answered sarcastically, but it was followed by a real, full-hearted laugh because he couldn't be mean if he tried.  “See ya soon!”

As he heard the click at the other end of the line, Zayn’s racing heart didn’t slow.  Niall was on his way now, and he’d have to have something to teach him.  He figured he’d better just start with something simple.  He opened the door to the phone booth and pulled a cigarette from the brim of his beanie as soon as he was outside.  As he walked down the dock smoking it, he decided to start with a simple trip to see if Niall could even last on the boat without getting seasick.  He planned to throw a few boating terms in there, just to get him used to the language, and then maybe if things went well, he would show him a few of the controls.

Niall showed up at the boat about a half hour later, as promised, out of breath and red from hurrying on the ride over.  Zayn grinned and held out his tattooed hand to Niall to help him jump from the dock to the deck.  “Welcome.  You’ve been on her before, but this time you’ll actually get a ride.”

“Can’t say I haven’t heard that one before,” Niall cheesed with a shit-eating grin on his face.  Zayn thought about what he’d just said and started laughing.  The rest of the day went easily, with Zayn letting Niall watch him steer and navigate.  He didn’t get sick, which was good because severe seasickness could’ve ruined the entire thing.  The two joked around a lot, and Zayn quizzed Niall on terms like _port_ and _starboard_ (“Left and right! I’m not a complete idiot, Zayn.), _mast, spars, and derricks_.

Niall was a fast learner, and Zayn got to teach more than he’d expected.  He showed Niall how to set the temperature of the freezer below deck when they had to carry cargo that couldn’t thaw; he showed him how to use the horn, which Niall of course abused for about five minutes, honking at everything in sight; and he showed him how to dock the boat when they pulled into the port that Zayn’s cargo for the day was meant to go to. 

Niall helped him unload everything and as they pulled away from the docks, the sun was just starting to set.  Niall sat on a bench on the deck and watched Zayn maneuvering through the docked boats, looking right into the sun.  He admired the lines next to his eyes and the way that his irises looked honey colored in the glowing light.  He had his hands tucked into the sleeves of his sweater and he kept looking down at the controls and back up through the wind guard, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks every time.  Niall realized he’d been holding his breath and he exhaled softly.  The only word that played across his mind over and over again was _beautiful_.  Zayn was beautiful.  The sea and the sunset and the sound of the water and this boy that knew so much and was so quiet and patient and just wanted to help him, they were all beautiful.  He felt a rush in his chest and he knew his cheeks were going to turn red, so he turned around and sat up on his knees, leaning over the side of the boat and looking out at the water and the horizon and the sun dipping below the waves.

“What’re ya looking at?”  Zayn asked softly.

Niall was quiet for a second.  He wanted to say something creative, something that would impress Zayn, but he couldn’t think of anything, so he just turned around and smiled.  “This is just the most wonderful feeling.  Thank you for saying yes.  I didn’t know if you would, but really, it means a lot.”

Zayn smiled slightly, still looking ahead.  “You’re welcome.” 

The rest of the ride back to the docks they just talked.  Niall told Zayn that he played guitar and Zayn invited him to bring it along the next time they went out on the boat.  Zayn told Niall that he was a painter and Niall asked if he had any of his paintings stashed away somewhere below deck that he could see, but Zayn said he didn’t.  He was shy about showing other people his work.  They talked about books and Niall didn’t have a favorite, but Zayn loved poetry and he was staring at Niall with a hesitant smile, wondering if he should say it and then he decided _Oh, fuck it, he’ll never read it anyway_ , and he told Niall that his favorite poem was _Don’t Go Far Off_ by Pablo Neruda.  It wasn’t really, but it felt right for him to say it, because he felt the same way reading it that he felt when he was talking to Niall.

The two made it back to the docks after dark, and Zayn lit up a cigarette before hopping off the boat to tie it to the dock.  Niall watched his callused hands as he pulled the rope tight around the cleat.  He watched the smoke billow out on either side of the cigarette that dangled between Zayn’s lips.  Not much could make him quiet, but watching Zayn seemed to put him in a trance.  Zayn stood up and took the cigarette out of his mouth, holding it between his thumb and forefinger like a spliff.  He gave Niall a look.  “You alright, mate?”

Niall nodded too quickly.  “Yeah, yeah ‘m good.  Thank you again for today.  I can’t wait to keep learning.”  He fumbled in his left pocket and pulled out a few folded bills.  “Almost forgot this, though.  Here you go.”  He held them out to Zayn and as he took them, he felt sick.  Guilt washed over him and he wished that he could just hand them back, but he didn’t want to insult Niall.

“Thank you,” he said solemnly and put the bills in his own pocket.  He locked up the boat and they walked up the dock together, Zayn explaining where his flat was and that he walked home every night.  Niall told him where his own house was and Zayn thought he could probably picture it, all stone and huge windows, more of a mansion than anything.  He wondered if he’d ever be welcome there, but he crushed the thought as they reached the bike rack.  Niall bent down and pulled his key out of his sock, which Zayn thought was charming.  He unlocked his bike and pulled it out from between the bars. 

“Well I guess this is where we say goodbye,” Niall said, holding onto both of the handlebars.

“Guess so, Niall.”  Zayn smiled.  “You did a good job today.  I’ll call you again soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Niall smiled with all his teeth this time.  He got on his bike and started to turn around.  “Bye Zayn!”

“Goodbye!” Zayn called, waving as Niall rode in the opposite direction.  The wind whipped around his face as he did and he could smell the saltwater in his hair and his chest and his guts filled with excitement.  He thought about the day and how he could do that for the rest of his life.  The warm, yellow light of the streetlamps illuminated the pavement of the seaside road and Niall felt warm and happy listening to the gulls in the distance and the waves hitting the little beach to his right.  He thought to himself that Zayn’s next call couldn’t come soon enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I hope you're ready. :]

Zayn walked home that night clenching and unclenching his fist around the bills in his pocket.  He knew that they had agreed that it was a job and that Niall would pay him, but he didn’t feel like he’d earned it.  He didn’t want to take money from someone who he considered his friend.  Or whatever he considered him. 

                The next lesson came a few days later, and Niall did end up skipping class for this one.  He brought his backpack, and he read one of his books on the way back to the docks at the end of the day.  When he had told Zayn he had to study, Zayn was a little bit disappointed.  But watching Niall lying on his back on the bench with his knees bent and the book balanced on his thighs made Zayn smile.  It was so quiet and peaceful and Niall’s bright eyes scanned the pages and he looked deep in thought.  He didn’t notice that Zayn was watching him. 

                Over the next two weeks, three more lessons followed.  Zayn had thought about asking Niall to go to the pub with him after the third one, but he didn’t know if they were that close or not.  In reality, he was good at reading people, but he thought he wasn’t and so he was cautious.  During the lessons, Niall had leaned over him with his chin resting on his shoulder when Zayn was looking over the side of the boat, he had placed his hand on top of Zayn’s lightly for more than a few seconds when Zayn was showing him the different buttons on the boat’s control panel, and he had kept up the habit of staring at him without blinking when he was tying the boat to the cleats every night.  Zayn kept telling himself that he was overanalyzing these things, but they were all making his guts burn when he went home to his small flat at night and lay in his bed drawing or reading or staring at the ceiling. 

                Zayn wasn’t overanalyzing things however, because Niall had been doing all of it on purpose.  He was fascinated by this boy.  He knew so much about everything that Niall didn’t.  His life was completely opposite of the one that Niall had lead.  At first, he hadn’t wanted to let himself believe that it was any more than the sea air and the excitement of it all that were making him feel different.  But after the first night, while he rode home, he decided it was Zayn too.  Over the next weeks, all he’d wanted to do was touch him.  He wanted to drag his hands over his slender shoulders that flexed when he moved the heavy cargo at the ports they visited.  He wanted to lightly brush his long eyelashes with the tips of his finger.  He wanted to ghost his lips over each tattooed knuckle and callused fingertip.  And he wanted to feel those fingertips on his own skin.  Every little thing he’d done over the past few weeks had been an experiment.  He needed to know how Zayn would react, if he could go further, if he felt the same way.  The things he’d done hadn’t gotten as much of a reaction as he’d hoped, but they hadn’t gotten a bad reaction either.

                Little did he know that they were driving Zayn crazy.  It was rare for him to want someone.  He lived like a monk most of the time, relying on his books and his art and the sea and occasionally Liam for company.  He met girls in bars and he would bring the occasional one back to his flat, but it usually made him sad when she left in the morning and he tried not to do those things unless he was completely sloshed and desperate.  But now he wanted Niall.  He was trying so hard not to, but it was there.  He was running out of ways to ignore it, and he even thought for a brief second about calling off the lessons.  He changed his mind when he saw Niall approaching on his bike one Tuesday afternoon for his sixth lesson.  It was getting warmer outside and he was wearing a football jersey and white sweatpants.  His face was red as always and he was beaming.  It was a rare sunny day in Dublin with close to no clouds overhead and the sun lit up his eyes so that they were almost the exact color of the sky.  Zayn felt his heart skip as Niall chained up his bike and began to walk towards him.

                “It’s a little warm for that hat don’t you think mate?”  Niall asked, looking at Zayn’s beanie with a grimace.

                Zayn held Niall’s hand and clapped his back with the other hand in their typical greeting.  “No, I like it.  My hair looks like shit today anyway,” he explained.  “Every day really,” he added as an afterthought.

                “I’ve never seen you without it.  Not once,” Niall said as they untied the ropes anchoring the boat to the dock. 

                “Nobody gets to,” Zayn smirked and winked at Niall as they climbed onto the ship to start out for the day.

                The boys laughed and talked like normal as they set out for the first port of the day.  As Niall’s laughter died down from their latest joke, Zayn had an announcement to make.  “So I was thinking, and if you want to, I think you’re ready to steer us out of the docks today when we leave this next port.”

                Niall’s eyes got wide and he smiled with pride.  “Really?  You mean it, Zayn?”

                Zayn laughed and beamed at his student.  “I meant it, Niall.  You’re getting really good really fast.”

                “Are you surprised that the little rich boy could learn to be a hardened sailor?”  Niall joked.

                Zayn was tempted to make a joke about the word hardened, but he controlled himself and just punched Niall in the arm.  “A little surprised yeah.  Especially when the second time we met you were wearing that ridiculous bomber hat.”

                Niall felt a little embarrassed at that, and his face turned red immediately.  He hadn’t thought it was ridiculous.  His silence and his red face made Zayn feel awful right away because he realized he’d hurt Niall’s pride.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-ah...Niall I love the hat, mate.  It was wonderful.  It made me happy.”  His voice was a little softer.

                Niall laughed again, loud and bright.  “Well good, beanie boy.  At least I get creative with my hats!”  And just like that, they were back to joking.  Zayn was happy he’d seen the vulnerable side of Niall though, if only for a second.  He felt like Niall kept his walls up with jokes, just like Zayn kept his up by trying to focus the conversation on the other person rather than himself.

                They finally made it to the port and unloaded the cargo.  Niall was practically running back and forth from the boat to the dock, hulling the crates as fast as he could because he just wanted to untie the boat and steer it out to sea for the first time.   Zayn was going slow on purpose, just to see if it’d get under his skin.  When everything was done and they’d untied the ropes from the cleats, Niall was nervous and excited and practically bubbling over with it all.  While Zayn was happy for him, he was also kind of anxious himself.  Niall was too much for him at the moment and he just wanted to shut him up and kiss him and touch his hair and his red cheeks and make his lips red to match and hear him breathe slow and deep and just be quiet. 

                They stood at the helm together and stared out at the water.  Niall put his hands on the wheel.  “You ready?”  Zayn asked, raising his eyebrows.  He lost his breath a little when Niall looked back and met his gaze.  He looked serious, but then he cracked a grin.

                “Been ready for weeks, Malik.”  As the boat coasted away from the dock and Niall navigated it nervously, steering gently and smiling cautiously, Zayn felt himself get warm.  He knew this was where he was supposed to be and he was watching someone he cared about very much do something that was very important to both of them for the first time.  He felt happier than he could remember feeling in a long time. 

                When they hit the open water and were finally ready to coast for a bit, Niall turned to face Zayn.  “How’d I do?  I think I pretty much did it, yeah?” 

                Zayn’s smile was making his eyes crease in the corners.  “Yeah Niall, you did it.  You did it fucking brilliantly.”  Niall’s grin filled Zayn with pride and love and just something he’d been waiting for for a long time.  He didn’t know what he should do, so he just did what he wanted to do.  He leaned forward slowly, and let his hands land on Niall’s shoulders and slide slowly up to rest lightly on his cheeks.  He was waiting for a rejection but it never came.  Niall’s eyes suddenly dilated and went glossy all at once.  His lips were slightly parted as if to say something, but he was quiet, breathing lightly.  Zayn leaned in closer and touched his forehead to the shorter boy’s.  Neither one blinked until Zayn closed his eyes and finally let himself start breathing again.  He tilted his head slowly and pulled Niall’s face to his, their lips meeting.  Niall’s were warm and soft and Zayn’s were a little chapped and rough and the mix was the most intoxicating thing he’d ever felt.  All he could hear was the water and some seagulls and Niall breathing, and he felt him move closer, could feel Niall’s body press against his.  Zayn’s hands were still on Niall’s cheeks, cupping his face, and Niall’s hands held Zayn’s wrists.  The kiss didn’t last long, but it was long enough for both boys to feel electricity and excitement and calm and something new and…fire.  When Zayn pulled away and opened his eyes again, they were wide and questioning and anxious and happy all at once.  Niall looked back with warm, happy blue eyes and Zayn’s anxiety started to melt away.

                “Was that okay for me to-“ Zayn trailed off because he didn’t know how to word it.

                Niall nodded.  “Can you do it again?” he breathed.

                Zayn smiled right into Niall’s face and laughed a little, more of the bad feelings melting into warm, good ones.  He did as he was asked and kissed Niall again, longer this time, a little less cautiously.  Niall felt his knees get weak and his head was swimming.  He never expected his little experiment to go this way and he never expected to kiss Zayn, never in a million years.  He smiled into it and he could feel Zayn smiling too and his legs were shakier than before, but he didn’t want to stop.  When it was over, they were both silent for once, but it wasn’t a bad silence.  It was calm and content.  They took turns exchanging little smiles over and over, and eventually they started to talk again about Niall’s classes and Zayn’s favorite brand of cigarettes and Liam’s daughters and everything was the same, but it was different too because they felt like they had a secret that they shared, something special that didn’t belong to anyone else.

                And that night when Zayn tied the boat to the dock, Niall watched him like he always did, and Zayn felt his eyes and he stood up and planted a kiss on Niall’s cheek.  Niall felt lucky it was dark because he turned about ten shades of red from that.  When they said goodbye like they always did at the end of the docks, they hugged each other, holding on longer than usual.  Niall kissed Zayn’s temple chastely.  The spot was buzzing even after he pulled his lips away.  “See you soon mate?”

                Zayn nodded.  “Promise.  Night Niall.  Be careful.”

                Niall nodded in return.  “You too, Zayn.  Goodnight!”

                Zayn walked in the direction of home and listened with a smile as the sound of bike tires disappeared down the road.  Everything had changed and he knew he was ready for it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a few days! I had a wedding to go to this weekend. I hope you like it! :]

Niall lay on his back in his bed with the window open listening to the crickets chirping in the cool spring air.  He’d gotten home an hour ago and he swore he could still feel Zayn’s lips.  He hadn’t even bothered to pull the duvet back when he got home; he just collapsed on top of it.  His legs were still weak and he felt like he was floating.  He wasn’t surprised very often.  He lead a pretty routine life, and he liked to think that he could predict most things before they happened, but that kiss was something he could’ve never predicted.  Zayn had tasted like cigarette smoke and salt and something a little sweet too.  His rope-callused fingers on Niall’s cheeks had sent heat down his spine and swirling in his stomach and the feeling was still lingering.  He stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars still left on his ceiling from when he was a kid.  He felt dreamy, slow, and happy picturing Zayn’s face so close to his, smiling at him when they’d touched foreheads. 

                He’d never kissed a boy before.  He hadn’t kissed many people at all really, if he was honest.  And no kiss had ever made him feel like Zayn’s had.  He wondered momentarily what that meant and what that would mean in the future, but he decided not to worry about it just then and to enjoy the feeling buzzing around his body.  He fell asleep in his clothes, feeling too warm and content to move.

               

 

                “NIALL!  YOU’RE LATE!  FOR GOD’S SAKES GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE!”  Niall snorted and closed his mouth, blinking and looking around his room as he realized he’d slept with it wide open.  His throat was dry and his head hurt a bit from sleeping so deeply.  His dad had woken him up with his yelling and he remembered that he was in fact late getting ready for a meeting that he’d promised to sit in on at the company that afternoon, just to see how things were run.  He’d been dreading it enough to not really be motivated to set his alarm for it apparently.

                “NIALL!” Robert yelled from outside the door now, banging on the heavy wood that separated Niall from his rage.  “YOU BETTER BE READY IN TEN!  I HAD THEM POSTPONE THIS SHIT FOR YOU!”

                “S’alright Dad, I just gotta get changed,” Niall grumbled and threw on some chinos and a blue polo.  He grabbed his backpack and hurried into the hallway, where he was greeted with a smack to the back of the head.  It didn’t hurt exactly, but it was uncalled for and annoying.

                “Where’s your head at this morning, Niall?  You may be in charge of these people someday; they need to respect you,” Robert lectured as the two made their way downstairs.  “You’ll be riding with me today; that bike won’t be quick enough.”

                Niall rolled his eyes so that his father couldn’t see and followed him to the car without protest.   They drove in silence as they listened to the talk radio that Robert had as the number one preset in his car.  Niall stared out the window, thinking about Zayn and wishing he could be with him right now.  He didn’t really care if they were sailing or not, he just wanted to be around him.  He felt like Zayn was the only person in his life that cared about how he felt and understood that just because it seemed like he had everything, there was so much more that he wanted.

                The Horans made it to the meeting with five minutes to spare, and Robert put on a smile in the elevator, prepping himself to be the confident, put-together man that his employees expected him to be.  Niall couldn’t muster up a smile however, and he settled for a serious look, staring at his father in disgust.  “Lighten up will ya?  This is our empire, boy,” Robert smiled and clapped Niall on the shoulders as the doors opened on their floor.  The two made their way down the hall to a conference room and took their seats.  People filed in and Niall recognized a few of them from the huge parties that Robert threw at the house every Christmas, but most of them were strangers.  Robert introduced Niall as their future boss, laughing as he did, and then the meeting commenced.   

                Niall was barely half-listening to the financial bullshit that was being discussed, and he kept a neutral facial expression for the majority of the meeting.  After about forty minutes, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.  He moved as slowly as he could and tried to glance down at it without being noticed by his father, who was now speaking at the front of the room.  It was a foreign number, but he knew it had to be Zayn because of the area code.  His stomach flipped and he sprung up from his chair without thinking.

                “Niall!  I’m talking here, son!” his father said, facial features stretched and politeness in his voice thinly masking the anger he was feeling.

                “Uh…I’m sorry Dad, I’m feelin’ real sick all of a sudden.  Excuse me,” he stuttered and hurried out of the room.  He’d already missed the call, but he was hoping he could get through if he called the number back.  Once he was out of sight from the big, glass windows of the conference room, he sprinted down the hallway towards the washroom.  Before he made it there, he spotted a small office with its door ajar and the lights off.  He slipped into the room and shut and locked the door behind him.  He turned the light on and sat in the chair in the corner.  He redialed the number at the top of his recent calls list and waited, out of breath. 

                The phone rang four times, then five, then six.  No one was answering.  _Fuck,_ he thought to himself, _Must’ve missed him._ Finally on the eighth ring, someone picked up.  “Hello?” the voice on the other end was an older man, definitely not Zayn.

                “Hi, uh my name’s Niall, I was calling for Zayn?”  Niall said hesitantly.

                “This is a payphone, son.  Does he have a landline you can reach or something?”  the man asked, obviously trying to be polite. 

                “No, I don’t think so,” Niall answered, embarrassed.  “Thanks, though!”  He hung up and sighed.  It was just like Zayn to call him from a payphone.  He hadn’t even known those really existed anymore.  Now that he knew Zayn had tried to get ahold of him, he didn’t think he could get through the rest of the meeting alive.  Taking his father’s car flashed across his mind as an idea, but he knew he’d get skinned for that, so he decided to take a cab instead.  The docks weren’t far, so it wouldn’t be too expensive.

                Niall flipped the light back off and slipped into the hallway again.  He walked slowly at first, planning to be as nonchalant as possible when he walked past the conference room so as not to be noticed, but as he thought about his father’s angry voice waking him up that morning and Zayn’s dark brown eyes and heavy lashes close to his face the day before he decided he didn’t give a fuck whether they saw him or not and began to run again, flying past the conference room.  He pressed the button on the elevator at the end of the hall about ten times.  Finally, he heard the ding and got on and pressed L for Lobby.  He shifted back and forth on his feet during the elevator ride, and when he reached the main floor, he walked quickly through the lobby right through the shiny, automatic glass doors and onto the sidewalk.  There were already a few taxis parked along the curb and he climbed in the back of the nearest one.  The cabbie asked where he wanted to go and he told him.  His stomach was flipping the entire way and he kept glancing at his phone, wondering if Zayn would call and praying that his father wouldn’t.  It was starting to rain when they finally pulled up to the docks, and Niall handed the driver his payment and a half and shut the door a little harder than he’d meant to.

                He walked down the wooden planks, hoping that Zayn hadn’t left for the day yet.  Finally he saw the red and blue flag that flew on Zayn’s boat and he walked faster.  It was raining a little harder than it had been a few minutes before and when he got to the boat he didn’t see Zayn outside, and there was no sign of anyone on deck.  Niall thought maybe he’d gone home for the day because of the weather, but it wasn’t too bad and Niall knew it was okay for sailing.  He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out.  It was his dad.  He hit deny and put it back and climbed onto the deck of the boat.  He knocked on the door of the cabin.  He thought he heard someone inside, so he knocked again.  “Who is it?” a soft voice called from inside.  He knew it anywhere, and it was Zayn.

                “It’s Niall,” he said back.  Just Zayn’s voice gave him butterflies, and he felt more nervous than he had when he got out of the cab a few minutes before.

                “Just a second!” Zayn called, and Niall heard him fumble around inside before opening the door a few seconds later.  He had a streak of blue paint on his cheek and his hat was all messed up like he’d just put it on.  He had a huge grin on his face.  “Didn’t think you’d be makin’ it today mate.”

                Niall immediately wanted to kiss him, because he looked like a happy little kid wearing a huge, messy t-shirt, old black pants splashed with paint and the hand that held the door open had yellow and orange all over it, fingernails dirty and stained.  He didn’t know if he was allowed to just kiss him like that though, so he settled for a smile in return.  “Yeah, I had a business meeting.  Money and my empire and all that shit, you know?”  he said sarcastically. 

                Zayn was staring at him with soft eyes and he opened the door a little wider to let him in.  “Sorry you had to do that.  It sounds awful,” he said softly, straightening up a little more.  He threw a metal box under a bench and pushed what Niall assumed was a canvas covered in a blanket into the corner. 

                “You were painting,” Niall said, more of a statement than a question.

                “Yeah, just bored.  Nothing special,” Zayn tried to push the focus away from himself like always.  “What was your meeting about?”  It was raining harder outside now and Niall could hear it on the metal roof of the boat.  They rocked back and forth a bit as the sea moved with the storm.

                “It was about nothing,” Niall laughed.  “Can I see it?”  He knew Zayn wouldn’t show him, but he had to try anyway.

                “No, it’s not good.  Maybe another painting,” Zayn smiled slightly and messed with his hat, trying to fix it so that it covered more of his hair.  Always something to hide.

                “What’s my lesson going to be about today?  Battening down the hatches?”  Niall laughed again, trying to make Zayn laugh too.  He looked adorable, hair all static-y from the rain and eyes dark blue in the gloom of the cabin.  He didn’t get the laugh he was looking for though, just a serious look.  Zayn’s eyes were dark and full of something.  He’d been thinking about the kiss from yesterday and it wasn’t enough.  Niall was everything bright that he could think of, and now he was sitting here in front of him laughing and making him nervous and he didn’t want to teach him anything.  He just wanted him.

                “There’s no lesson today, Niall,” he said lowly.  Niall stopped laughing, but the smile hadn’t faded off of his face yet.  He looked confused.  Zayn walked towards him and pushed him gently against the wall.  “Don’t be nervous,” he almost whispered, looking into Niall’s eyes reassuringly, trying to smile a bit to calm him down.  He moved his hands to Niall’s face as he had the day before and pulled him into his lips, kissing him deep and slow, the rain on the roof the only sound besides their lips and their breathing.  He bit Niall’s full, pink bottom lip gently and sucked on it, pulling a sigh from the boy he had pressed against the wall.  Niall’s hands were draped loosely on either side of Zayn’s hips, still too nervous to move them and do something wrong.  Zayn pushed his tongue between Niall’s parted lips and opened his mouth farther.  The kiss became desperate and Niall finally tightened his grip on Zayn’s hips, pulling him closer so that their bodies pressed together.

                Niall felt as if this was all he needed.  His father and his future and the awful day he’d had melted away and all he could smell was cigarette smoke and salt and cologne and all he could taste was Zayn and all he could feel was the paint-stained tattooed hands that were now moving down his sides and to his hips where they pulled him closer.  The two boys' hips grinded into each other and Niall felt a little bolder as Zayn moaned into his mouth.  He moved his hand up and pulled Zayn’s beanie off, letting it drop to the floor of the cabin.  Zayn pulled back and glared at him.  Niall just grinned, lips red and swollen and cheeks red to match.  Zayn couldn’t be mad at that and Niall ruffled his hair.  “I like it.  It’s beautiful, Zayn.  Really,” Zayn smiled shyly.

                “Shut up,” he whispered and crashed his lips into Niall’s again, rolling his hips forward and smirking against Niall’s mouth as the blonde bucked back towards him in response.  Zayn moved his hands under Niall’s polo and let his nails drag from his shoulder blades to his lower back.  It gave Niall goosebumps and he couldn’t stand it anymore.  He just wanted to feel Zayn’s warm skin against his.  He grabbed the hem of Zayn’s t-shirt and pulled it over his head.  After he did this, he stared at him for a second.  His chest moved up and down and his slender shoulders continued into an even smaller waist.  He had tattoos on his chest and ribs and the skin around them was a warm, coffee color.   Zayn looked back at him with eyes full of insecurity.  He felt exposed.  But the way Niall was looking at him, with so much warmth, it made him feel better.  Niall smiled and pulled him back in, their lips meeting again.  Niall’s hands ran down his ribs slowly, as if counting them.  His stomach felt hollow and he had never wanted anyone more.  He pulled his lips away from Niall’s and ghosted them along his jaw, kissing and sucking on the place below his ear.  He felt Niall’s hips push up into his and his fingernails dig into his sides.  He took Niall’s earlobe between his teeth and bit lightly, making Niall moan a little.  He bit and sucked some more, trailing one of his hands down under the hem of Niall’s shirt and to the top of his chinos.  Just as he fit his fingers around the button, the door to the cabin swung open and lightning lit up the room.

                Both of the boys froze and looked over at the door.  Liam was standing there, fully soaked and wearing one of those nerdy yellow rain hats.  “Oh fuck,” Zayn said and stood up straight, still shirtless and hatless, lips chapped and looking like he’d just had a long night.

                Niall had no idea who Liam was, but with one look at Zayn’s facial expression, he had a pretty good idea.  He stood up straight too, straightening the collar of his shirt and clasping his hands in front of him in an attempt to hide the raging boner he was sporting at the moment.

                Liam looked Niall up and down before moving his gaze to Zayn and raising his eyebrows.  “Well hello, “ he said, voice mocking.  “Looks like you’ve been making the most of this rainy day.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff. pure fluff. :)

Zayn’s face almost looked more angry than shocked as he glowered back at Liam and turned to look at the now red-faced, wide-eyed Niall.  “Niall, this is Liam,” he said, and bent down to pick his shirt up off the floor. 

                Niall put one hand up in an awkward, half-assed wave and smiled.  “Hello.  Nice to meet you,” he said shyly as Zayn pulled his shirt over his head and picked up his beanie.  “Heard a lot about you.”

                Liam grinned, knowing that he had the upper hand and wanting to embarrass Zayn as much as possible.  “Oh yeah?  What have you heard?” he narrowed his eyes and smirked.

                “Uh, I…” Niall was fumbling, and Zayn saved him as he straightened his hat and tucked a few stray hairs underneath it.

                “He knows you’re my boss and he knows you own this boat.  Sorry we were on it, but it was raining and I wanted to kiss him, alright?”  Zayn kind of spat this at Liam, and Niall was getting more uncomfortable by the second.  He had never seen Zayn get defensive.  He was reminding Niall of an annoyed, angsty teenager and he would’ve thought it was quite cute if he didn’t feel so awkward.  He wondered if Liam had known Zayn liked boys or if Zayn even liked boys or if they were ever going to talk about anything like that.

                Liam laughed heartily and clapped Zayn on the shoulder.  “Calm down, mate, I was just messing with you.”  Zayn’s shoulders relaxed and he let himself smile, but NOT too much. 

“Nice hat, you jackass,” Zayn mumbled and Liam punched him in the arm.  He couldn’t help but laugh.  “Look at it Liam, are you on a safari?  Are you singin’ in the rain?”  Zayn was laughing so hard that he was squinting and Liam took the wet hat off and threw it at him, laughing too, in spite of himself.

Niall breathed a little easier, but still stood in the corner awkwardly, not really feeling included in the joke.  Liam noticed him staring at them.  “Sorry if I scared you guys,” he directed to Niall, “I was just coming to check on Zayn.  With the weather the way it is, I just wanted to make sure he didn’t try to go out, because he’s reckless like that sometimes.  Thanks for stopping him, if that’s what you were doing.”  Liam added a wink to the end of his little speech and Niall turned even darker red than he’d already been, but he laughed anyway.

“Yeah, that’s…that’s what I was doin.’”

Liam grinned.  “Well since we’re all here, you guys wanna go to the pub with me?  Ruby and the girls are at her mum’s today and I happen to have a free afternoon.”

Zayn looked to Niall questioningly and Niall nodded, wanting to make him happy and learn more about him.  He was hoping Liam would give some things away if they all hung out.  And spending time with Zayn away from the boat made him a little nervous, but in a good way.   It was too interesting to pass up.

“Yeah we’ll go,” Zayn told his friend.  “You buying, mate?” he added, with a shit-eating grin. 

Liam rolled his eyes.  “For the first round.” 

The three left the boat and walked up the dock and down the street in the rain to the pub,  about a block away.  Niall was still turned on beyond belief, thinking about Zayn’s lips brushing just below his ear and his callused fingers leaving trails of heat just above the hem of his pants.  He wondered what would’ve happened if Liam hadn’t interrupted, and he wondered if Zayn was thinking about it too.  He seemed too calm and Niall was sure that it wasn’t bothering him.  But if he was honest, he wished it was.

They entered the pub through a heavy, wooden door that had surely been there for years.  It was warm and cozy inside; dim lights illuminated the small space and everything had a glow to it.  Niall smiled warmly at Zayn.  He was happy to be there.  The bars he went to with his friends in the city were cold and modern, too big and too snooty to feel comfortable. 

Niall, Liam, and Zayn sat down at a corner table and a waitress came over to take their drink orders.  All three ordered pints and as she was leaving to fill them Zayn said, “Make sure you put them all on one tab!” and pointed at Liam dramatically, winking as he did.  Liam glared at him, but he couldn’t help smiling.  Niall enjoyed seeing Zayn joke around so much.  He seemed quiet and serious a lot of the time; he usually kept his guard up.  But with Liam he was soft and funny, and it was nice to see behind the front he put up sometimes.

“So Niall, I’m sorry again for scaring you.  Really,” Liam apologized. 

Niall nodded and smiled, “It’s okay.  Sorry you had to walk in on that, mate.”  He laughed a little, and Liam chuckled.

“It’s okay.  The cabin’s a romantic place.  I won’t lie and say Ruby and I haven’t had some good times in there too,” Liam grinned and Zayn stuck his tongue out and squinted his eyes with mock disgust.  “How long have you two been together then?”  Liam directed the question at both of them.  Niall looked at Zayn and then down at his hands, his cheeks turning red for the second time that day.

Zayn felt bad because he felt like he had been the one initiating things between them, but he hadn’t bothered to talk to Niall about what exactly they were.  He didn’t even really know the answer himself.  The look on Niall’s face made his heart break a little, because he’d felt protective of him since the day that he’d rode up in that dumb aviator hat and he didn’t want him to feel unsure or weird about anything.  Especially what he meant to Zayn.  He reached for Niall’s hand under the table and played with his fingers, trying to be reassuring.

“We haven’t really…we…”  Zayn was trying to find words that wouldn’t hurt Niall.

Liam smiled softly.  “Okay.  Well I think you both look happy, so that’s good.  Zayn’s always broody.  Quite broody.  He looks like a clown right now, look at that smile,” he teased kindly.  Zayn was partly smiling because of the way his friend understood things, and partly because he knew it was true.  He never acted this cheesy and happy and goofy. 

 “He looks good,” Niall said shyly and squeezed Zayn’s hand under the table.  He felt comfortable now.  He was nervous, but he felt safe with Liam and Zayn.  Liam didn’t ask where he was from or make fun of his polo and ask about his last name or his bank account or his friends.  He just accepted him and it was warm and it was good and he wished they could stay in the bubble of the pub forever and that Zayn would hold his hand forever.  His fingers buzzed against Zayn’s.

The waitress brought the drinks then, and the three of them held up their mugs for a toast.  “To the rain for letting us all be irresponsible today,” Liam said, and they clanked glasses and took swigs of their beer.  Many more swigs and many more beers followed.  Liam talked about his girls and his wife and said that sometimes he missed being on the boat all day, but he wouldn’t give them up for anything.  Zayn made jokes about himself, then got kind of quiet, then got loud again with a few more pints.  Niall laughed at everything Zayn said and tried to add interesting things to the conversation.  He ended up admitting who his father was and Liam asked him for a loan jokingly.  Niall told him he’d give him his whole fortune in exchange for the boat and they both laughed at that.  As the evening went on, Niall and Zayn exchanged more looks and kept drinking and Liam ordered a water to try and sober up before he had to go home.  Niall mentioned that he should probably “het gome,” and burst out laughing.  Zayn wasn’t quite as drunk as Niall and when Liam gave him a concerned look, he put his hand on Niall’s shoulder. 

“You can stay at my flat, mate.  I can sleep on the pull out, and you can have my bed.  You can’t be trying to catch a cab like this.”

Niall looked up at him and squinted, then started laughing again.  “We can both sleep in the bed, yeah?!” he said a bit too loudly.  Liam laughed and Zayn rubbed his forehead and shook his head. 

“Come on Niall,” he said gently, “it’s not far.”  Liam threw some cash on the table and the three of them made their way out of the pub, Zayn in front, pulling Niall along by the hand, and Liam behind, beaming at his tipsy friend and his drunken idiot.

It was chilly and wet outside and Liam said goodbye to the two and started home in the opposite direction.  The cold air was already sobering Zayn up, and he walked next to Niall and listened to him drunkenly babble about school and his friend Louis thinking that Zayn was going to kidnap him and how silly that was and how much he hated his dad’s facial hair because it was creepy and a million other things that he’d usually just keep to himself.  Zayn smiled because Niall was talking so fast and with such a thick accent that he could barely understand him.  It was endearing and charming, just like everything else the boy did.  He seemed so innocent and excited about life.  It made Zayn sad and happy at the same time.

When they reached his flat, Zayn fumbled in his pocket for the keys and they walked in and up the stairs to Zayn’s door.  Number 408.  “This is me,” Zayn said, and opened the door for Niall.  He had gotten quiet towards the end of their walk and he was a little unsteady on his feet.  He looked tired, blinking a lot and sighing every couple of minutes.

Zayn didn’t even bother to turn the lights on, he just lead Niall through the room to his bed and motioned for him to sit on the edge of it.  He sat there with his eyes closed and a little smile on his face and Zayn giggled.  “Lift your feet,” he directed.  He took Niall’s shoes off and sat them on the floor at the end of the bed.  Niall laid down and Zayn covered him with the duvet.  He seemed to fall asleep right away, even snoring a little bit almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.  Zayn leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.  He started to walk toward the couch on the other side of the flat. 

“Zayn?” he heard Niall lift his head up in the dark. 

“Yeah, Niall?” he answered softly.

“I really like you.”

Zayn smiled.  “I really like you too.”

He fell asleep on the sofa with an old afghan blanket draped over him listening to Niall’s quiet snoring from the other side of the room.  He slept better than he had in a long time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever! Busy week. Hope you like it! :] :)

Niall woke up to the sound of sausage sizzling and a tea kettle whistling on the stove.  The small flat smelled amazing and as he blinked and remembered where he was, he was suddenly very self-conscious of his messy morning hair and he wondered if he’d said anything stupid the night before.  He pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at it.  About a million missed calls from his dad and a few text messages littered the screen.  The most recent one said, “fine you bloody little shit dont answer me. im out of town for the next week. dont ruin my house.”  Niall sighed and rubbed his eyes and his temples.   Zayn hadn’t noticed he was awake yet, so he sat up in bed and looked around.  The flat was all one room except for the bathroom.  The kitchen took up most of one wall, with a small refrigerator, a gas stove, and some cabinets. Zayn stood at the stove, poking the sausage with a fork. 

The half of the flat that Niall was laying in was the bedroom.  There were posters of bands on the walls, as well as some paintings, and some old black and white photographs of a couple.  He assumed they were Zayn’s parents.  Zayn’s bed was warm and big and he had a fluffy duvet and a million pillows.  His paint jars and tubes littered the table on the opposite wall where an easel and stool were set up.  The other half of the flat seemed to be the living room with a small TV, a big, old fluffy couch, some blankets, and about a million books on a huge, old bookshelf.

Zayn was turning around to put two plates on the little table he had, and he noticed that Niall was sitting up.  He smiled.  “Well hello, goodmorning.”  He set the plates on the table and picked up the frying pan with all the sausages.

“Morning,” Niall replied.  “You made breakfast?”

“Yeah, come have some while it’s hot,” Zayn grinned as he pushed a few sausages onto each plate and moved back to the stove to get the French toast he had made as well.  Niall shuffled across the room to the table, moving his hand through his scruffy hair.  He sat down and Zayn brought over two cups of tea and sat across from him.  “There’s cream and sugar here on the table, if you take that,” he gestured and shoved half a sausage in his mouth, chewing noisily.

“Wow, you’ve outdone yourself, Zayn.  You didn’t have to-“

Zayn shook his head and waved his hand.  “No, it’s alright,” he said with a mouth full of food.  “I eat a big breakfast every day.  It’s important.”  He took a sip of his tea and finally swallowed.  “Plus, it’ll cure your hangover, mate.” 

Niall shook his head and Zayn laughed.  “I love your flat,” Niall admitted, looking around as he ate some of his French toast.  “Did you paint those?” he pointed with his fork at a few canvases hung on the wall.

Zayn looked down at his food, pushing it around the plate a little nervously.  “Yeah, I did.  A while ago.”

One of them was an ocean scene, but it didn’t look anything like the waters in Dublin.  It was more tropical; bright blue water with white sand, hilly dunes everywhere and sea grass blowing gently.  The sky was clear and sunny and it looked like such a calm place to be, with whitecaps on top of the waves about to break on the shore.  That was the painting that caught Niall’s eye the most.

“That one of the sea, it’s beautiful.  Have you been there?”  Niall asked.

Zayn nodded, still not making eye contact, and looked over at the picture.  “When I was little, my parents took us to Australia.  I was so young, I don’t even know how I remember it.  Or how we could afford it.”  He laughed a little.

Niall hadn’t wanted to ask before because he didn’t think it was any of his business, but he just wanted to be close to Zayn.  So he took the chance.  He tried to make his voice as gentle and kind as he could.  “Where is your family now, Zayn?”

Zayn looked back down at his food.  It had always been hard for him to open up to anyone.  He’d had so many friends, but he’d been alone through all of it.  He didn’t let anyone really scratch the surface but Liam.  But that was different; Liam couldn’t break his heart.  He looked back up at Niall who had stopped eating and was just staring at him with those wide, honest, blue eyes, face open and really listening because he really cared.

Zayn exhaled.  “My parents split up when I was about eight.  My dad made a lot of money, but I don’t remember what he did.  He cheated on my mum with a woman from his office and she found out, but she stayed anyway.   He didn’t.  Real piece of shit, that.  Anyway, I still had my brother and my mum, but she drank a lot.  My brother was getting into bad drugs and she didn’t really even notice until he was moving his stuff out in boxes to go live in London.  I was twelve.  I haven’t seen him since he left, but once.  I was in London for a weekend with some friends.  He was sitting on a bench in some park, just gone.  He looked awful, all thin and sick.  I only knew it was him because his eyes looked the same.  I didn’t even say anything to him,” he paused and closed his eyes for a second.  “I don’t know what happened to him.  I tried to take care of her as best I could, but it got to be too much.  The neighborhood we lived in…I got jumped once coming home from school because I was small and I wouldn’t steal shit.  When I was sixteen, I packed up too and I got out.  I call her every day, and I send her what I make.  I wish I could do more, but I can’t go back there.”

Niall had just been staring at him the entire time he was explaining, watching his face and the way his eyes got dark when he talked about his father and soft when he mentioned his mum.  They’d even watered a little when he mentioned his brother.  He looked up when he was done and met Niall’s eyes.  “You do more than anyone else would.  You’re amazing,” Niall said quietly. 

Zayn smiled with huge tears in his eyes and shook his head.  He looked tired all of a sudden, like there was a weight on his shoulders that Niall had never seen.  His eyes had bags under them from trying not to cry.  Niall pushed his plate back and got up from his chair.  He walked over to where Zayn sat and crouched down to his level.  Zayn turned to him and looked at his face.  He smiled soft and took one of Zayn’s hands in both of his while he looked up at him.  “Stop,” Zayn said quietly, “Ya don’t have to.  I’m fine.”

Niall kissed his hand without breaking eye contact.  “I’m sorry that those things happened.  I want to hear things like that so I can…I know this was supposed to be sailing lessons.  But I really like you.  I don’t want to go anywhere.  I’m here.  I swear.”

Zayn wiped at his eyes with his free hand.  “Thank you,” he said.

Niall leaned up and pulled Zayn into a hug, just holding him for a minute.  Zayn felt warm and good and he cried a little into Niall’s shirt.  Niall moved his hand back and forth gently in the hair at the back of Zayn’s neck.  He felt like crying as well, because he wasn’t used to this closeness.  He didn’t want to let Zayn go because he didn’t want to lose the feeling.  When Zayn finally pulled back a little bit, Niall touched his forehead to his and stared into his glossy, brown eyes, eyelashes wet and sticking together.  He smiled and kissed him on the lips, his thumb on Zayn’s chin.

When they pulled away Zayn shoved him playfully.  “Eat your damn French toast before it gets cold!”  Niall laughed and took his seat back on the other side of the table.  They finished breakfast and talked like they normally did.  Niall looked at his fancy watch as he took his last bite of sausage.  He had been so lost in the warm cocoon of the apartment and the dizzy buzzing in his head from his hangover that he had forgotten he had class that day.  “Ah shit, Zayn, I hafta go, I’m about late for my economics class,” he grimaced.

A shadow fell over Zayn’s face, but he tried to make it unnoticeable.  He had been hoping that Niall could just stay, maybe cuddle and watch a film or some television.  He was even going to let Niall wear his sweatpants and a jumper so he wasn’t stuck in those wrinkly chinos and that tight dress shirt he’d been wearing.  “That’s okay, mate,” he lied, smiling.  “You gotta learn that shit or you’ll never be a billionaire.”  He started picking up the dirty plates from the table.  “Besides, I have to catch up on things at the boat today.

Niall stood up and began messing with the buttons on his shirt and trying to straighten it as best he could.  “So m’dad’s gone on a business trip this week.  You wanna come over tonight?”  He looked up at Zayn for a response.

He turned his head around from where he’d been washing dishes at the sink.  “And see your mansion?”  He smirked and laughed a little.

“Yep.  I let the commoners see it sometimes, when I’m _BORED_ ,” Niall said dramatically, in a very posh accent.

“Well I feel so privileged,” Zayn said, placing his hand over his heart mockingly. 

Niall grabbed a pillow off the sofa and threw it at him.  “I’ll see you tonight then?” 

Zayn smiled and turned off the water.  “Yeah of course.”  He made his way across the room to Niall and kissed him on the cheek.  Niall grabbed his face with both of his hands and kissed him on the lips instead, smirking into it.  “Wish you didn’t have to leave,” Zayn breathed against his lips.

“Me too,” Niall said back and slid one of his hands down Zayn’s neck, and slow down his chest until he reached the top of his joggers.  He let his hand drift down even slower until it was resting between Zayn’s legs and squeezed.  Zayn exhaled against Niall’s neck where he’d been laying small kisses.  He felt himself start to get hard instantly. 

“Well fuck, Niall,” he breathed.

Niall pulled away and grinned.  “Really do gotta go now.  Call me later so I can tell you how to get to mine,” he said, slipping on his shoes.

Zayn groaned.  “Niall…”

“Bye Zayn, have a good day!” he laughed as he was opening the door.

“I’ll get you for this later, mate,” Zayn called after him, smiling because he couldn’t help it.  _What a tease._   After the door shut and Niall’s laughter faded down the hallway, Zayn made his way to the shower and got himself off before he got to working on the boat for the rest of the day.  All he thought about was Niall’s hands and his eyes and how much he wanted to touch him and hear his own name fall from Niall’s soft, pink lips.  When he finished tying the boat up after his last shipment of the day, he could barely stand the warm feeling pooling in his gut.  He walked up the dock quickly, pulling a cigarette from his pocket as he went.  He lit it up just before stepping into the phone booth and his hands shook a little as he dialed.  His body went pliant and his smile creased the corners of his eyes when he heard the familiar voice say hello on the other end.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there are any mistakes. i didn't edit this one. i hope you like it! it makes me happy. niall and zayn both get some pool action ;)

Zayn unconsciously drummed his thumb on his thigh as he sat in the back of a cab on the way to Niall’s house.  He was nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and swallowing more than usual.  After he’d gotten off the phone with Niall, he’d walked quickly to his flat and gotten a shower, fixed his hair in the steamy mirror and grabbed his beanie off his dresser.  He’d held it for a second then put it back down.  He knew Niall liked his hair, and he wanted it to be perfect.  To him, it felt like this was their first date and his stomach was churning.  He had decided to wear dark jeans and a red and navy flannel with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms.  He made sure to wear good cologne and he had debated bringing his backpack in case he ended up staying the night, but decided against it in the end because he didn’t know how Niall would take that.

The cab driver kept looking at him in the rearview mirror and it wasn’t doing his nerves any favors.  He glared at him the next time he caught him looking and it made him stop for the rest of the trip.  Eventually the houses on either side of the road started to look bigger and nicer and Zayn knew they were getting close.  Finally, the driver turned into a driveway.  It was a half-circle and trees obscured the house from view until the car began to loop around the drive.  Zayn was shocked when he finally saw where Niall lived.  It was beyond what he could’ve imagined.  The house was huge and made completely out of stone with giant windows every few feet and a chandelier visible through the front.  There was a garden gate on the left side and a huge garage on the right.  A small fountain was lit up in the middle of the cobblestone walk that lead up to the heavy, wooden front door.  Zayn thanked the cab driver and handed him some money before getting out and shutting the door behind him.  He walked towards the door slowly, wishing for once that he had a phone so he could’ve let Niall know when they pulled up.  The thought of knocking made him nervous for some reason. 

He heard the cab pulling off the curb and into the street behind him.  He gulped and ran his hand through his hair one more time before knocking a few times.  He heard Niall yell something from inside but he couldn’t make out what he said, and then there was the sound of feet hurrying down the steps and across the foyer.  The lock on the door clicked and it swung open revealing Niall beaming at him on the other side of the threshold.  He was just wearing a white t-shirt for once, with grey joggers slung low on his hips.  The pale skin between his joggers and his shirt showed a little when he reached his hand up to rub the back of his neck and Zayn wanted to grab him right there.  “Hey!  You found it alright, then,” Niall said happily and motioned for Zayn to come in.  He stepped inside and kicked his shoes off when he saw Niall’s socked feet. 

“Yeah, I just told the driver your address and he knew right where to go,” Zayn replied.  “Bit of a twat, that,” he added under his breath.  Niall laughed.

“He probably knows this place from driving so many people here from the airport,” Niall explained as he walked across the foyer.  “Dad has a lot of business meetings and shit.”  Zayn followed him and looked around as he did.  He was amazed at the place.  He’d never been somewhere half as nice and he didn’t really know how to respond.  He felt out of place.

“This place is insane, mate,” Zayn quipped, examining the expensive art on the walls as the two made their way down the hallway. 

“It’s alright,” Niall said as he led them into the dark kitchen, shadows in the corners of the high ceilings.  “It’s creepy at night, especially when you’re alone.  Too big.  I always feel like people could be hiding anywhere and I’d never know.”

Zayn smiled.  “Yeah, I know what you mean.  I get scared of some of the dark corners in my flat at night and it’s not even a tenth of this place.”  Niall flipped on the light and opened the freezer, pulling out a frosty, clear bottle.  Zayn raised his eyebrows.

“Vodka,” Niall grinned.  “I have whiskey too.  Which would you prefer, sir?”

Zayn kind of grimaced inwardly.  He was nervous and when he got nervous he liked to just deal with it himself.  If there was alcohol around it was too easy to drink it to feel better and to act like an idiot.  Niall’s house was already making him feel stiff and awkward, like he didn’t belong there.  He didn’t want to resort to taking the edge off with vodka, but he didn’t want to seem uptight either.  He wondered when he started worrying this much.  “Vodka,” he said simply.  It smelled like nail polish remover and the taste wasn’t too far off, but it had always been easy for him to drink.

Niall laughed and pulled two shot glasses off of a high shelf above the stove.  He poured a shot of whiskey for himself and wiggled his eyebrows.  Then he poured some vodka for Zayn and slid it across the countertop to where Zayn leaned against the other side.  “You’ve practiced that, haven’t you?”  Zayn grinned.

“Maybe a little,” Niall responded and tilted his head back, swallowing the shot quickly.  His face screwed up like he’d just tasted something sour and it made Zayn giggle.  “Whoo!” Strong,” he said loudly.   Zayn picked up his glass figuring it was his turn and tilted it into his mouth.  He swallowed it quick like medicine and it felt hot going down his throat.  His stomach burned and his head and legs started to buzz a bit.  He smiled at Niall.

“S’it alright?” Niall asked.  “It’s me dad’s.  I’ve never tried that one.”

“Yeah it’s fine.  It’s good,” Zayn nodded, not too enthusiastically.  Niall frowned a little bit.

“You okay, mate?” 

Zayn hesitated, desperately not wanting to be a buzzkill.  “I guess I’m just….I’m really nervous,” he admitted.

Niall walked around the counter.  “I am too, honestly.  That’s why I pulled out that stuff.  That’s the only way I could think of to calm down.  I’m sorry.”  He took Zayn’s hand gently and Zayn finally let his tense shoulders relax and smiled a little.  “Come on, I wanna show you something.” 

Zayn followed him through the kitchen and a small back room to the patio doors.  The lights were off in the pool room and Niall opened the doors and flipped them on.  “Holy shit, you have a pool in the house?”  Zayn said, eyes wide.

Niall laughed.  “Yeah, you wanna go for a dip?”

“Didn’t bring a swimsuit, mate.” 

“You don’t need one,” Niall giggled, “Who’s gonna see us?”  Zayn wondered when Niall had become the outgoing one and he couldn’t help laughing too. 

“Alright, I’ll do it.  But only if you go first.”

Niall smirked.  He pulled his t-shirt up his stomach and over his head, messing up his hair a little bit in the process.  He looked adorable and Zayn couldn’t help walking towards him a little.  Niall winked at him and pulled his joggers off.  He left his boxers on and raised his eyebrows at Zayn.  “Your turn, Zayn.” 

Zayn was nervous.  Niall was so pale and fit and he had the perfect amount of muscle on his arms and his stomach.  Zayn felt too skinny and scrawny and all of a sudden he was self-conscious.  He looked over at Niall who was smiling reassuringly.  Zayn took a deep breath and unbuttoned the top button of his flannel. 

As he moved down the buttons, Niall’s breath hitched in his chest.  Zayn’s skin was beautiful, almost glowing in the light that reflected off the water.  His chest was covered in tattoos that didn’t really match each other, but they fit Zayn’s personality and Niall found himself wanting to trace them with his fingertips.  He hadn’t had time to appreciate it all in the boat a few days before, but he thought that Zayn must be the most beautiful person he’d ever met.  His eyelashes brushed his cheeks as he looked down to unbutton his jeans.  He pulled them off and kicked them aside.  He had more tattoos on his shins and his feet, and his legs were so skinny.  It made Niall grin.

“What?!” Zayn asked defensively when he saw Niall’s expression. 

“Nothing, you’re just….I just want to stare at you.”

Zayn shook his head and looked down, feeling exposed.  He was ready to start blushing, but Niall didn’t give him the chance because he’d made his way towards him and put his hands on his chest.  He drug his fingers down over all of the colors, staring at the lines and the way Zayn’s skin showed through in the blank spots.  “Don’t get mad at me for wordin’ it like this, but you’re so pretty, Zayn.”

Zayn buried his head in Niall’s shoulder.  Taking a compliment was hard for him, but he was smiling.  Niall kissed him on the top of the head.  Zayn pulled his head up and met Niall’s eyes.  They stared at each other intently, breathing almost against each other’s lips.  Niall moved closer, about to meet Zayn’s lips with his own and Zayn grinned before pushing him backwards into the pool.  Niall hit the water with a loud splash and was illuminated by the pool lights for a second before he resurfaced to Zayn’s laughter.  His normally perfectly quiffed hair was flat on his head and water dripped down his shoulders and littered his eyelashes.

“What the hell, Zayn?” he yelled in mock anger, but he couldn’t help the smile that was already threatening to break over his face.  Zayn kept laughing and jumped in after him, splashing him with the cannonball he pulled.  They were in the shallow end, and when Zayn resurfaced, he was standing in front of Niall, facing him.  Niall watched the water rolling down his tan chest, followed the curve of his shoulders to his collar bone, let his eyes dip into the cut of Zayn’s cheekbones, and finally met eyes with him.  Zayn’s eyes were soft and even darker than normal in the dim pool room.  They crinkled in the corners and his eyelashes were wet.  Niall exhaled, and it turned into a sigh.  Normally, he would’ve been embarrassed, but not then.  The only thing he was thinking about was the boy in front of him.

Zayn reached out tentatively, with one hand.  He marveled at the fact that every time he kissed this boy it felt like the first time and made him just as nervous.  He kept expecting to get rejected.  He moved toward Niall, with his hand cupping his cheek.  They both kept their eyes open until their lips met, and Zayn’s other hand moved to Niall’s hip, fingers running over the bone and making goose bumps appear on Niall’s skin.  The kiss started slow, both boys moving their lips against each other like they were afraid of breaking the other one.  Niall moved his hands to Zayn’s hips and pulled him closer, and that was all Zayn needed.  He pushed his tongue into Niall’s mouth and ran it along Niall’s.  The hand that had been on Niall’s cheek was tangled in the blonde hair at the back of his neck, pulling it to get him closer.  The way that Zayn’s wet chest and stomach felt against Niall’s skin made his stomach flip and he pulled Zayn’s hips towards his own, grinding against him.  Zayn rolled his hips against Niall’s in response.  He could feel Niall growing hard against his own erection and he moved his hands down Niall’s back, dragging his fingernails against the pale skin until he reached the water, which also happened to be the where the top of Niall’s pants began. 

Zayn moved his lips to Niall’s jaw and kissed down it roughly, until he reached his ear.  He took Niall’s earlobe in his mouth and played with it with his teeth, biting and sucking until Niall moaned a little from the back of his throat.  “You like that, then?”  Zayn whispered against his ear, smirking.

Niall nodded in response and met Zayn’s lips again, biting his bottom lip and pulling it with his teeth.  Zayn’s let his hands slip below the water, and into Niall’s pants so he was cupping his ass.  It felt smooth under his hands and he squeezed it as he pulled Niall towards him and rolled his hips against Niall’s.  Their erections grinded together again and the friction was _killing_ Niall.  He was grabbing Zayn’s biceps, practically clawing them with his fingernails.  He was sloppily dragging his tongue across Zayn’s and making small noises whenever Zayn squeezed. 

Zayn moved his hands down farther so that Niall’s pants were down around his thighs.  He moved his hand between them until he was cupping Niall’s cock and he palmed him a few times under the water.  Niall groaned and Zayn wrapped his hand around Niall’s shaft, pumping him slow as he kissed him.  Niall moaned into his mouth and he pumped faster.  He had his own cock pressed to Niall’s thigh and he rubbed against him, because the sounds he was making were making Zayn painfully hard.  Niall came hard under the water, faster than he would’ve liked but he couldn’t stop himself.  He laid his head on Zayn’s shoulder and his body shook a little, overwhelmed with the feeling.

He was still holding onto Zayn’s biceps and he loosened his grip a bit and kissed Zayn’s neck.  He didn’t know what to do next, but he needed more.  He needed to feel more of him.  He just wanted to make him say his name.  He wanted to be the one making Zayn feel like he was about to lose control.  “Can I take you upstairs?” he asked, breathless and cheeks flushed.

“Yeah,” Zayn answered, just as breathless.  Niall pulled his pants back up and they climbed out of the pool.  Niall took Zayn’s hand and pulled him back through the patio doors, through the kitchen and the foyer, and up the stairs.  He led him through a long hallway, looking back at him wordlessly every few seconds and smiling.  He was nervous.  He had never done this with a boy, let alone a boy like Zayn, but every time he looked back at him he felt better.  They reached his room and Niall pulled him inside and slammed the door, not bothering to turn on the light.  They were still holding hands and Zayn moved straight to the bed, lying back on the pillows, and Niall followed, letting go of his hand and climbing up his body until they were face to face and their lips met again. 

Niall clasped Zayn’s face in his hands, brushing his thumbs back and forth slowly across Zayn’s scruffy cheeks and kissing him deeply, and Zayn let his hands roam.  He ran his fingertips up Niall’s soft pale ribs, over his smooth shoulders and down his arms.  He bucked up into Niall’s hips, wanting the friction they had started in the pool.  Niall grinded against him in response.  “Niall,” he whispered when they broke apart for a second, “Tell me what you want.”  He didn’t know what he was expecting the answer to be, but he needed it to be _something_.  Niall stared back at him, face illuminated by the small desk lamp that he kept on most nights, lips red and swollen and cheeks just as red.  His blue eyes were blown and he was breathing heavy.

“I-“ Niall hesitated.  He didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to ask without sounding completely vulgar, and he’d never done it before, but he desperately wanted to.  “I want to suck you off Zayn.  Can I?”  He let it spill from his lips as quick as he could and immediately wanted to hide his face after he’d said it.

Zayn felt his skin get hot.  He was definitely _not_ expecting that.  “Yeah, yeah.  If you want to, I- yeah,” he nodded, wanting to seem as enthusiastic as he felt.  Niall smiled back at him and kissed him again deeply before moving down to his collar bones which he drug his teeth across torturously slow.  Zayn was propped up a bit on the pillows and just watched as Niall moved to his chest, taking one of his nipples between his pink lips, letting his teeth scrape the sensitive skin a little as he sucked.  Zayn shivered and moved his hand through Niall’s hair.  Niall moved down Zayn’s ribs, sucking small bruises into the tattoos that littered them.  When he got to Zayn’s navel, he dipped his tongue in and swirled it around.  Zayn didn’t mean to, but he bucked his hips in response, not expecting something like that to feel so good.  He could see Niall’s pink cheeks move into a smile and his eyelashes fluttered a bit as he slid his tongue down to the spot just above Zayn’s pants.  He was on his knees, bent down so that his tongue could move from one hip to the other and Zayn almost couldn’t handle it.  Niall’s hands were on Zayn’s thighs and he slid them up to the waistband of Zayn’s pants and pulled them down.  He threw them to the side and took Zayn in his hand, pumping his warm cock for a minute.

He did it slowly, back and forth, and the friction from that alone made Zayn moan, low and deep, almost a growl.  Niall liked that response and pumped a little harder, bending down to lick the head of Zayn’s cock, teasingly.  He’d never gone down on a boy before, but he thought of every great blowjob he’d ever had and imitated what he could remember.  He moved his hand down Zayn’s shaft and kept pumping as he took more of him in his mouth.  Zayn watched as Niall’s lips slid up and down his cock and it was almost a sin, almost pure porn, because his lips were so pink and wet and his hair and his skin were so bright and his blue eyes were gleaming, tearing up as he looked up at Zayn with his mouth full of him.  He looked like an angel and he was sucking Zayn off and Zayn couldn’t quite believe it.  He closed his eyes as Niall let his cock hit the back of his throat, gagging a bit, but hollowing his cheeks anyway.  His hands were on Zayn’s hips, holding him against the bed as he sucked.  He was taking all of Zayn’s cock, and it felt wonderful.  “Niall, fuck, I’m-“ Zayn moaned as he felt the warm feeling buzzing low in his stomach.  And Niall already knew, feeling Zayn’s dick twitch between his lips.  Seconds later, he was coming into Niall’s mouth and he swallowed the salty, warm substance in a few gulps.  He popped off of Zayn with a wet sound and crawled up towards him wiping his lips on the back of his hand.  Zayn moaned again, because that was just too much for him to handle.  “You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?” he smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.  He felt sated and warm and heavy, and he didn’t want to move.  Niall kissed back, smiling into it.  When he pulled away, he lied next to Zayn and put his head on his chest.  Zayn wrapped his arms around him and ran his hand through his hair as Niall traced the tattoo on his forearm with his fingertip.

“Zayn?” Niall finally said quietly.

“Yeah?” Zayn answered, shifting so that he could hold Niall a little tighter.

“Did you want to fuck?” he asked timidly, his voice sounding small.

Zayn didn’t know what to say really.  Of course he’d _wanted_ to, but he didn’t want to move too fast and he didn’t care what they did honestly, because he just wanted to be around Niall, even if it was across the room.  That was enough to make him happy at the moment.  “I just want to be close to you, Niall.  That was really nice.  And this is really nice.  I love this.”

Niall smiled to himself and kissed Zayn’s arm that rested under his chin.  “I love it too.”

Niall fell asleep like that, wrapped in Zayn’s arm with his head on his chest and Zayn could smell the chlorine and shampoo in his hair and the cologne and sweat on his skin and he hadn’t slept with anyone in ages and it was so nice that he just wanted to stay awake.  He wanted to lay there and listen to the soft sound of Niall’s breathing and feel his warm body against his own and know that his arms were making Niall feel safe and warm.  He liked being in Niall’s room and in his house and in his life.  He had never imagined that something this good would happen to him when Niall knocked one of his crates off the dock weeks before.  He kissed the top of Niall’s head and closed his eyes, pliant and happy and smiling to himself until he fell asleep, warmer, happier, and more relaxed than he had been since he was a kid.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

Niall was the first one to wake up in the morning.  He felt Zayn’s arm draped over his stomach before he even opened his eyes.  He smiled and looked around the room, blinking sleepily.  He had never closed the blinds and sunshine was bouncing off all of the walls and making shadows over everything.  He looked up at Zayn’s face.  The scruff he always had was messy and his hair was everywhere.  His long eyelashes fluttered a little.  His lips were slightly parted and he looked like a sleeping bear.  Niall’s heart skipped in his chest and he held his breath.  He didn’t want to wake Zayn up and break the glass that was that moment.  It was perfect.  He realized that both of them were still naked at that point and he silently thanked God that his dad wasn’t coming home that morning.  The covers were down around Niall’s shoulders, and Zayn’s chest tattoos and warm skin were exposed.  Niall kissed it gently and Zayn’s arm tightened a little around Niall.  His eyes fluttered open and he smiled a sleepy smile.

“Hello,” he said, voice scratchy.

“Hi,” Niall answered quietly.  “Sorry to wake you up.”

“No, it’s okay.  I should probably work today, I think.  It’d be nice to stay here with you though,” Zayn said, dragging his hand slowly up Niall’s chest.  Niall smiled and closed his eyes for a second.  He wasn’t sure if what he’d done the night before was okay, but he knew he was happy about whatever was happening.  Zayn sat up a bit and Niall leaned up to kiss him. 

Their lips met and both boys were smiling.  Zayn’s scruffy chin tickled Niall’s face.  His callused hand on Niall’s cheek was warm, and Niall leaned into the touch.  “Please stay, Zayn,” he said lowly as their lips broke apart.  Zayn smiled brighter than Niall had ever seen him do and he swore he could almost see a blush creeping up his cheeks, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Niall, I want to…but I can’t.  I’ve missed too much work this week already,” he groaned.  Niall didn’t want to hear that answer and smirked as he bowed his head and moved his lips over one of Zayn’s nipples.  He swirled his tongue around the outside in a circle and then took it in his mouth and sucked, letting his teeth drag across the sensitive skin a bit.  Zayn made a deep, almost growling sound in his chest and closed his eyes.  “Niall…..” he protested, but his hips pushing up against Niall’s abs contradicted him.

Niall pulled his lips away from Zayn’s chest and looked up at him, beaming.  Zayn smiled and shook his head.  “Those eyes and that dumb smile.  Fuck, how does anyone say no to you?”  He leaned down and they kissed again.  They pulled away and Niall got up and walked to his dresser.  Zayn watched him through hooded eyes.  He was naked and smooth, pale with lean legs and a long torso.  He had to stop himself from licking his lips when Niall bent down to get clothes out of his dresser and his small, perfect ass was practically in Zayn’s face.

“I know you have to work today, so I guess you can go,” he joked as he opened one of the drawers and pulled out a plain white t-shirt and some basketball shorts.  “But can you come back tonight?  I’m havin’ a party since my dad’s gone and all and…I was hoping to introduce you to some of my friends?”  Niall turned to look at Zayn.  He seemed nervous, but Zayn felt his stomach flip at the mention of a party and meeting his friends.  It was hard for him to be around two people let alone a whole crowd.  A million questions flew through his mind.  How would he introduce him?  What were they?  Would his friends hate him because he wasn’t rich?  Would everyone be wasted? 

Niall could read Zayn’s face without much trouble and after pulling the t-shirt over his head he walked back towards the bed and sat on the edge.  “I just…I wanted to tell them that…I mean if it’s okay with you-if we are- I wanted to introduce you as my boyfriend,”  Niall stuttered through all of it like a baby deer learning to walk and then looked down at his hands, cheeks as red as they’d ever been.  Zayn was shocked.  They hadn’t really talked about what they were or how they felt about each other or if they wanted to share it with other people.  It was kind of an unspoken thing.  They both knew, and Liam knew something of course, but other than that, everything had just kind of happened. 

Zayn grabbed one of Niall’s fidgety hands in his own and smiled softly.  “I’d definitely be your boyfriend, if that’s what you’re asking.”  Niall looked at him with disbelief and then laughed happily. 

“I was so fuckin’ nervous about this.  I didn’t know how to-I didn’t even know if it was important.  I just like you so much.  I wanna be with you all the time.  I don’t even know how I got lucky enough for you to like me,” Niall said, all in one breath.  He laughed again.

“Really?” Zayn raised his eyebrows.  “I’m the one who’s lucky, babe.  You’re so full of life.  You dream about big things.  You’re infectiously happy.  You brought back a feeling that I thought I lost.”  He looked down at their hands and pulled Niall’s to his lips.  He dragged them across his pale knuckles.  “I do hate parties though,” he said thoughtfully.  “Is there any way I can skip out on this one and meet your friends a few at a time?”

Niall kissed his hand in return.  “Please come.  It would mean a lot to me.  I want my friends to know.  I wanna tell everyone.  I wanna kiss you in front of everyone.”  He looked at Zayn expectantly.

“I dunno….”  Zayn hesitated.

“You gotta come.  I promise it’ll be great!”  Niall nudged him in the arm.

Zayn closed his eyes and sighed.  “Fine…but I’m gonna hide up here if I get overwhelmed or anything.”

“Deal.  I’ll hide with ya,” Niall said reassuringly and sealed it with another kiss to Zayn’s hand.  They talked and laughed some more and Niall offered Zayn some joggers and a t-shirt to wear, but he just pulled the joggers on and made his way down to the pool shirtless, with Niall following and admiring the view.  He put his shirt and jeans on and returned the joggers.  Niall gave Zayn an apple and an orange from the fruit bowl in the kitchen and called a cab for him.  They sat on the countertop and talked until they heard the cabbie honk out front.  They kissed goodbye at the front door and Zayn promised he’d be back for the party.  They kissed again and Niall grabbed Zayn’s hip and squeezed, told him to have a good day at work, told him again that he was so glad to be his boyfriend, and then they heard another honk.  Zayn opened the door and ran out to the cab, waving as he climbed in the back.  Niall watched until the cab had pulled down the drive and out of sight and shut the door.  He laughed into the emptiness of the house, so elated and full of butterflies that he could barely keep from running though the kitchen and cannon-balling into the pool with all of his clothes on.  So that’s exactly what he did.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long. Too much going on I guess. But it's extra long for you, so I hope you all will keeping reading. Love.

When the cab that Zayn was riding in pulled back up the drive and in front of Niall’s house, his stomach flipped and he instantly had to take a shit.  The inside of the house was completely illuminated and he could hear the music coming from inside all the way through the doors and rolled-up windows of the car.  There were people standing on the front walk smoking and a couple making out in the grass.  He took a deep breath and picked at a loose thread on the ripped knee of his dark, black jeans.  He wanted to look nice, but casual for the party, and he’d finally settled on the jeans, some black Doc Martens, and a fitted maroon jumper with a few holes in the sleeves that he thought added some character.  He had a cigarette behind his ear and he thought that maybe he’d need it sooner than he’d expected as he climbed out of the cab and thanked the driver.  He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sprawling mansion that was the Horan house, taking another deep breath and letting it go slowly. 

No one standing outside really acknowledged him, except for one of the smokers who nodded without a smile as he passed by.  The front door was already slightly ajar and light and music leaked out over the front lawn.  He pushed it open gently with his shoe and leaned inside.  There were people everywhere.  It was like every high school party he’d seen in a movie and more.  He didn’t think these things actually existed.  There was a spinning, multi-colored strobe light in place of the chandelier that had been there that morning and music was pumping through the floor and the walls.  People were dancing and grinding and sliding down the long banister of the stairs.  There were two tables set up with beer pong in progress at both of them and a few girls in bikinis ran past Zayn giggling with wet hair and red cups in their hands. 

He had to make sure his mouth wasn’t hanging open in awe as he watched everyone.  He scanned all of the faces, but he didn’t see Niall anywhere.  He heard splashing coming from outside and someone made a whooping noise in the kitchen.  He made his way down the hall towards the sounds, past a couple pushed up against the wall in the hallway, groping each other without checking to see who was watching.  He walked into the kitchen that had been dark and peaceful less than twenty-four hours ago.  It was anything but that now.  A million bottles of every kind of liquor littered the countertop, along with chips and sliced lemons and half-empty cups and dirty towels.  The floor was covered in dirty footprints and water tracked in from the pool, and some kid was even snorting coke off of the one clear space of counter in front of the microwave. 

He still didn’t see Niall, and he continued out to the pool area.  Niall was sitting on a lawn chair next to a curly haired boy that Zayn had never seen before.  A tan, toned boy with swim trunks on was standing in front of them telling a story, moving his hands animatedly and both of them were laughing at whatever he had to say.  Niall’s face was red and his eyes were completely blown.  He looked rich and smug in the white button-down he was wearing, the top four-or-so buttons undone.  He had on khaki shorts and his hair looked like he’d put a lot of effort into it before mussing it up in his drunken state.  Zayn wasn’t really one for kinks, but he found himself fantasizing about caddying for rich-boy Niall at the private golf course and blowing him in the supply closet at the clubhouse. 

He grinned and shook his head as he made his way over to where Niall was sitting.  Niall’s eyes found him in between laughs and he stood up and closed the distance between them.  “Zayn!  I knew you’d come,” he whispered in his ear before beaming at his friends who had turned their attention to the two of them.  “Harry, Louis, this is Zayn.  And Zayn, this is Harry and Louis.  Assholes really, but don’t take anything they say to heart.”  Niall laughed loudly and clapped Zayn on the back.  He couldn’t help but smile at how drunk Niall was and how sweet he was being.  Louis was smirking and Harry held his hand out graciously.

“Nice to meet you, Zayn.  We’ve heard a lot about you.”  Zayn took his hand and shook it.

“Yeah, nice to meet you too, mate.”

Louis smiled and brushed a stray hair out of his eyes.  “Yeah, it’s good to finally meet the famous Zayn.  Niall’s quite obsessed with you, you know.” 

Zayn just shook his head and cast his eyes down, beaming and blushing as Niall put his hands over Zayn’s ears like mock earmuffs.  “Like I said, don’t listen to them,” he laughed and kissed Zayn on the cheek.  “I’m gonna go get a drink, babe, you want anythin’?” Niall asked.

Zayn shook his head.  He’d decided ahead of time not to drink that night.  He was nervous enough without fucking anything up by getting wasted.  “Thanks though, love.”

“You’ll be alright staying here for a minute, right?” Niall asked him, touching his shoulder.

Louis rolled his eyes and made a gagging sound, gently shoving Niall towards the house.  “He’ll be fine, you sap!  Now go get us drinks!”  Niall laughed and Zayn smiled at him reassuringly, so he turned to go inside.  Almost the second he was gone Harry grinned and patted the spot next to him on the lawn chair.  Zayn sat down, awkwardly bumping knees with the lanky boy.  Louis sat on the ground in front of them, legs stretched out and hands behind him in the grass, propping himself up.  He was staring at Zayn with a smirk, but it made him nervous.  “So, Zayn…what exactly do you do?”

Zayn raised his eyebrows, “You mean as a job?”

Louis nodded as he pulled something out of his pocket. 

“I work on a boat.  I move cargo from the docks in Dublin to…well to wherever it’s needed really.”  He clasped his hands in front of him and fiddled with his fingers nervously.  He could feel Harry staring at him and it was unsettling.

Louis looked up from the small, plastic baggy he was holding.  “Is it _your_ boat?” he said with a tinge of sarcasm in his voice and a raise of his eyebrows like he already knew the answer.

“No, it’s my boss, Liam’s.  He just doesn’t have much time to make runs like he used to,” Zayn said quietly, feeling a little less than confident.  He watched as Louis took a pinch of white powder from the bag and snorted it, closing his eyes and smiling.  He opened them a second later and held the bag out to Zayn.

“Care to partake?” he grinned.

Zayn’s stomach lurched a little.  He hated this shit.  It made him think of his brother and his dad and everyone else.  He shook his head.

“Something wrong then?” Louis asked sweetly, a little too condescendingly for Zayn’s liking. 

“No, I just…” he didn’t want to say anything to offend Niall’s friend, but then he couldn’t really believe Niall would be friends with someone like this.  Niall was sweet and open-hearted and joyful.  This kid seemed hell bent on making Zayn feel uncomfortable and small.

“You just…what?” Louis smiled, but managed to glare at the same time.  His voice was mocking and cruel, cold and cutting.

“Louis, quit it,” Harry said hoarsely.  They were the first words Zayn had heard from him other than when he’d introduced himself and he was grateful for them. 

Louis rolled his eyes, but he acted instantly offended.  “Fine, Harold, fuck you too then,” he huffed and got up from where he’d been sitting, stomping across the yard and kicking his shoes off before sitting next to the pool and shoving his feet in the water.

Zayn looked at Harry.  He was pretty, obviously a little younger than the other two with big green eyes and pink lips.  His curly hair framed his face and he wore a light-blue button down matching Niall’s with just as many buttons undone.  He had a gold necklace on and it hung nicely between the V of his collarbone.  His skin looked warm and he seemed sweet.  “Thanks for that,” Zayn smiled.

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Harry said quietly.  “Louis doesn’t like when people hone in on his friends.  He’s quite possessive.  But he doesn’t mean it.”  Harry took a sip of his drink and wiped his lips with his sleeve.

“He doesn’t?” Zayn asked tentatively. 

Harry laughed gently.  “Okay, maybe he does.  But he’ll warm up to you.”

Zayn tried to laugh too, but he felt a little better when he saw Niall making his way back towards them, balancing three drinks in his hands. 

“Where’s Louis?” he asked when he walked up. 

“He was being an ass , so I sent him away,” Harry smiled up at him and grabbed for his drink jokingly.  Niall handed him two. 

“None for him then!”  He sat down in front of Zayn and looked up at him.  “You okay?”

Zayn smiled and nodded.  “I’m fine.  Are _you_ okay because you look completely off your face right now, bebs.”  He laughed and Niall grinned like a little kid, cheeks still bright red.

“I am and it’s brilliant!” he continued to laugh.  Louis glowered over at them, and Niall’s laugh died down a bit.  Harry glared back and stuck his tongue out at Louis.  He nudged Niall in the arm and he grinned.  “Cheer up, princess!” Niall yelled across the yard.

Zayn laughed a little bit, but he was still nervous on the inside.  He’d never seen this drunk, playful side of Niall, and one of Niall’s best friends already didn’t like him.  He’d watched the kid snort coke and it made his stomach turn with acid and memories.  And then Harry was just too cool.  He was dressed well and beautiful and intimidating and clever and Zayn couldn’t quite figure out why Niall wasn’t with Harry because they were leaning awfully close to each other and he couldn’t help his mind racing and he couldn’t help comparing his awkward, skinny, lengthy, scruffy self to the tan, pretty boy sitting next to them.  He felt panicky all of a sudden and then he felt Niall staring at him.

“Zayn…are you okay?” he asked, voice suddenly concerned. 

“Yeah, just…” he didn’t know what to say.  He settled on an unconvincing smile and an eyebrow raise.

“It’s okay,” he smiled back reassuringly, and Zayn just nodded.  Niall could see that he didn’t believe it.  “Come here,” he said a little more lowly and quietly, moving his hand to the side of Zayn’s face and pulling him in.  His hand was warm and his breath was even warmer.  His pink lips were parted slightly and when they met Zayn’s, he could taste vodka.  The kiss was wet and sloppy, deepened when Niall pulled his face closer and pushed his tongue between Zayn’s lips.  His body was warm and tingling and he could feel Harry watching them and it turned him on more than it should have.  Niall’s haggard, drunk breathing into Zayn’s mouth felt like sex and his cheeks were warm and red.  When he pulled away, his eyes were glazed over and he licked his bottom lip and smiled warmly back at Zayn.

Zayn smirked shyly and looked down at his lap and Harry’s eyes were wide.  “Well damn…” he smiled cheekily at his blonde friend and Niall just laughed loudly again. 

“You can kiss your boyfriend in public, right?”

Harry nodded and smiled and Zayn was sure he was blushing now.

He looked up from his lap when he could feel the shadows of a few people standing over the three of them.  There was a girl with long, blonde hair and a small, upturned nose and huge blue eyes, and two generic looking boys that could’ve played the frats or the jocks in any typical party movie.  “Uh, hey Niall…” one of them said in a unnecessarily awkward tone.  “We were coming over to tell you how great your party’s been, but it looks like we interrupted something.  Sorry, mate.”

Niall blushed, but he wasn’t smiling anymore and something about that made Zayn feel uneasy.  “No, you weren’t.  Uh, you guys of course know Harry, and this is Zayn.”  Zayn felt kind of mad at how casually Niall had introduced him, but he tried to push it back because this was new to both of them and he was still getting used to it as much as Niall was.

“Hi, I’m Charlotte, and this is Zach and Teddy,” the blonde girl smiled and held her hand out to Zayn.  She seemed nice enough, a bit drunk, but then again who wasn’t.  He shook her hand and she giggled and looked over at Niall.  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell your friend about me, Ni.”

He didn’t smile or laugh, and the blush was disappearing from his cheeks, but it was creeping down his collarbone and his eyes were glassy and dilated.  Zayn had never seen him angry, but he thought maybe this is what it looked like, or maybe he was nervous.  “You didn’t come up, Charlie,” he said shortly.  It seemed like he was trying to get her to go away, and Zayn wondered why.  His head was spinning.  So much had happened in the last hour and he was getting worked up.  He wanted to get out of there, but he didn’t want to be away from Niall.

“Okay sunshine, I get the hint, I’m going,” she said with mock sweetness.  “Nice meeting you Niall’s boyfriend Zayn!”  She walked away with Zach and Teddy following close behind like guard dogs.

Harry was looking away uncomfortably and Zayn was staring at Niall, but Niall didn’t stare back.  “Ex-girlfriend.  I didn’t know she’d be here.  She wasn’t invited.  I’m sorry, Zayn, I...”

Zayn’s heart skipped.  It was okay, really, because everyone had a past, he told himself.  But she was right in his face and he was insecure because she was pretty and Niall didn’t like boys in the past and maybe he missed her.  His thoughts were racing again and Niall had just grabbed Harry’s drink from his slender fingertips and chugged it before downing his own.  He howled and laughed again like nothing had ever happened and he ran over to where Louis was still sat and shoved him in the pool, cackling when he came up for air cursing and laughing.

Harry looked at Zayn forlornly and Zayn tried a smile.  “Zayn, she doesn’t mean anything to him, I’m sure he’s just nervous.  This is all new, but he really, really cares for you.”

Zayn sighed.  “Yeah, but it would’ve been nice to hear it from him.  Thanks though, Harry.  I’m gonna go have a spliff.”

Harry nodded.  “Alright, are you okay?”

“’M’fine,” he said and stood up.  He made his way back through the house and the craziness and pushed past people on the stairs.  The hallway to Niall’s room was empty and when he reached it there was a handwritten sign on the door that said, “OFF LIMITS FUCKERS.”  He chuckled in spite of himself and let himself in.  The room was dark and he didn’t bother turning the light on.  Didn’t feel like it.  He walked over to the window and sat on the window seat.  The sky was cloudy, but he could still see the moon and a few stars poking through and he took a deep breath while he stared up for a second.  It was quiet, the low rumble of the party fading into the background and he pulled the spliff he’d already rolled out of his sock.  He had a lighter in his pocket and he lifted the roll-up to his lips.  He inhaled as he lit it and the flicker of the lighter illuminated his hands and face.  The first hit was like breathing again after holding his breath all night.  He let the sensation wash over him and his body felt looser, tingly and cool.  His chest felt tight, but in a good way, and his face relaxed into a soft, almost-smile.  He took another hit and watched the smoke drift away from his lips and into the moonlight, bouncing off the window pane and back toward him before disappearing.  He closed his eyes and thought of praying, but what would he pray for in this situation exactly?

He wished he hadn’t come to Niall’s party.  He liked _his_ Niall, and he didn’t want to share.  He didn’t want the bubble they’d created to be broken.  He moved to Niall’s bed and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling and the one glow-in-the-dark star.  He smiled sadly and took another hit, and then another.  He lay there until his breathing steady and he counted to four each time he breathed in and breathed out.

Finally he felt okay enough to go downstairs.  He decided he’d just kiss Niall goodnight and go home.  He’d come back in the morning and help him clean up or something.  Or maybe he had maids for that.  Maybe they’d go to breakfast instead.  He walked out of Niall’s room and started down the hallway, but there were people blocking his way at the top of the stairs.  As he got closer, he saw that one of those people was a very drunk Niall, shirtless with wet hair and talking nonsense between laughs.  The other was Charlotte, stripped down to a skirt and a bikini top, hair wet as well and not quite as drunk as his blonde boyfriend.  Zayn froze, watching them together.  She had her hand on his chest and was laughing at something he said, and he was just soaking it in, red-faced and stupid and glowing.

“Come on Niall,” she laughed, but then she got quiet and a little more serious and moved closer to his face.  “You can’t like cock more than this.”  She drug out the “s” into a whisper and kissed him and his eyes widened, but he didn’t exactly resist.  She kissed him sloppily and licked into his mouth and he just stood there, letting her.  Zayn felt himself get angry all of a sudden.  He was so tired of being sad and unsure that it had to turn into something else eventually. 

“What the _fuck?_ ” he spat with venom before he could stop himself.  His whole body was hot and his fists were clenched and Charlotte pulled away, looking embarrassed.  Niall was looking at him dumbly, almost like he had when they first met, the time he’d fallen off his bike.  Zayn felt sick at the memory and just walked towards him, wanting to get past them and out of there.

Before he could make himself leave, he shoved Niall.  He shoved him as hard as he could into the banister and he looked hurt.  His eyes were filled with shock and confusion and they welled up with tears.  “What the fuck, Niall?  Fuck you,” he said again, leaving him standing at the top of the stairs with Charlotte and practically barreling outside.  When he made it out, he pulled the cigarette from behind his ear and lit it as fast as he could.  There were still people out front and he pulled his cell phone out to dial the cab company.  He was breathing hard and he paced around at the end of the front walk by the fountain.  When someone finally answered he gave them the address and told them he’d pay them extra if they got there within ten minutes.

As soon as he hung up, he heard his name being called from behind him.  He turned around and saw Niall running towards him.  He had a shirt on now and he was crying, tear stains running down each cheek.  “Zayn, I’m sorry,” he said desperately as he got closer.  He seemed to finally realize what he’d done, seemed like he’d sobered up a little and it just made Zayn sick.

“Don’t,” was all he said in return, turning away to face the fountain and taking another puff of his cigarette.

Niall sniffed and his shoulders shuddered with a dry sob.  “Zayn, please don’t do this, please.  Just don’t leave.  We’ll fix this, I promise.  I was just-“

“You were just _what?_ ”  Zayn whirled around.  “I didn’t even _want_ to come to this party and you made me.  You begged me!  To what?  Make me look like an idiot in front of your friends?!”

“Zayn-no…I was nervous, I wasn’t myself.  You _know_ I wasn’t!” Niall protested, desperate and gesturing with his hands.

Zayn laughed maliciously.  _“You_ were nervous?  You’re the fucking king here, you bastard.  These people all love you.  I’ve never met any of them and now they’ve all seen you kissing your ex-girlfriend and I look like a complete asshole.  Fuck you, really.”

Niall was quiet, looked down at his feet.  “Zayn, I drank too much.  I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“You’re the one that asked me to be your boyfriend.  I said yes because I trusted you and I thought you were brave.  But you’re a fucking coward.”  Zayn threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it before spitting in the dirt.

“Zayn, I’m sorry.  I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” Niall said quietly, voice cracking and eyes full of earnest.

The cab pulled up and Zayn pulled the nastiest smile he could, even though his heart was breaking on the inside.  He had his hand on the door as soon as the cab stopped, but before he opened it he looked Niall right in the eyes and said, “Don’t worry about it.  The money from the lessons was all I ever wanted from you.  You blowing me was just a bonus, babe.” 

Niall’s lip quivered at that and Zayn climbed into the cab and slammed the door shut.  Another tear rolled down Niall’s cheek and he said, “I don’t believe you,” but the cab was already pulling away and Zayn couldn’t hear him.  He was crying as silently as he could in the dark backseat.  The streetlights were blurry through his tears and when he reached home, he paid the driver and walked up to his flat, collapsed into bed, and vowed to sleep until he couldn’t sleep anymore.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is short. It's more like half a chapter, but I don't have time right now to write this part the way I really want it to be, so this is all I've got. I love you guys for reading. Makes me feel not alone. :]

Niall woke up in the morning with the worst hangover he’d ever had in his life.  His head was pounding and the ceiling was moving back and forth; the popcorn pattern seemed to swirl into itself.  He was miraculously in his bed and not somewhere on the floor, as he had drunk more after Zayn left than he had in his whole life.  He looked around the room and rubbed his eyes because everything was a little blurry. 

He pulled himself out of bed and pulled a jumper on over his bare chest.  He picked up his phone from his bedside table.  No missed calls, but there was a text from Harry saying, “you okay?” and one from Louis that said, “fucking top party mate, thanks! Call me when youre up.”  He put his phone in the pocket of his sweater with the texts unanswered and sighed.  His room looked untouched except for his jeans and shirt thrown on the floor next to the bed.  When he opened his door and walked into the hallway, that was another story.  There were empty red cups and glass bottles littering the floor every few feet, lost clothes, a spill on the bright, white carpet that Bobby had just had put in a few months before, and someone’s shoe.  He groaned and rubbed his eyes and his temples.  He dreaded walking down the hallway and seeing the mess downstairs, but he continued on bravely.

There were more cups, half-eaten food, and trash strewn all over the stairs.  The wood floors on the main floor were sticky with who knows what and one of the couch cushions had exploded leaving a million feathers stuck to the floor.  Silly string of every color was draped over the chandelier and as Niall padded down the hallway he noticed writing on the wall and smelled something burnt.  He soon discovered that one of the curtains in the kitchen must’ve caught on fire last night and someone had managed to put it out about half way through.  “Fuck,” he muttered as he surveyed the rest of the mess in the kitchen. 

Some sick sort of curiosity was the only thing that made him go out to the pool, because he already knew that it would be a mess too.  Confetti floated on top of the water and there were bottles that had sunken to the bottom.  Broken lawn chairs were thrown everywhere and cigarette butts and ash covered the glass patio tables.  Niall made his way over to one of the chairs and sat in it and closed his eyes to the sun.  “Dammit,” he said, again to himself.  He pinched his arm to try to keep himself from crying and wondered why he’d done what he did.  He knew in his heart it was because he was scared.  He was scared of what everyone would think and scared that one of them would tell his dad about it.

In reality, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Zayn in front of everyone, to not give a fuck, to yell about how much he loved him.  And then he opened his eyes.  He hadn’t really dealt with the fact that he loved Zayn yet.  But he did and there was no question about it and he knew he had royally fucked it up by letting Charlie kiss him.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Harry.  He closed his eyes again and rested his elbows on his knees while he waited for Harry to answer. 

“Hullo?” Harry answered after the third ring, sounding wide awake.  Judging by the background noise, he was probably at work already.

“Harry, hey, how’re you doing?”

“I’m good.  You alright, Ni?  I never heard from you after I tucked you in.”  Harry sounded concerned and Niall could picture him creasing his eyebrows and creating a worried line in the middle of his forehead.  He smiled a little.

“I’ve been better.  I just…I don’t know how to fix this one Harry.”

Harry sighed.  “It was a mistake.  You were an ass.  But you can always apologize and you can tell him the truth.  He clearly loves you.”

Niall paused.  “I dunno…we haven’t discussed that.”  He rubbed the back of his head, mussing up his hair.

“Why’d you kiss her Niall?” 

“I was scared.”

“I know.”  He could hear Harry smiling through the phone at that.  “But don’t you think he’s worth being courageous for?  He’s different than all your friends.  You know that and I know that.  And maybe they wouldn’t understand, but fuck them.  Don’t give him up.  Go get him back.”

Niall’s stomach flipped.  Partly from the alcohol and partly from the thought of telling Zayn he loved him.  “Okay,” was all he said back, but he knew that was enough for Harry.

“Okay.  Love you Niall.”

“Love you too, Haz,” he smiled.  “Oh and Harry?”

“Yeah?” Harry answered.

“Thanks for tucking me in,” Niall laughed.  “I’d probably be asleep on the kitchen floor right now if you hadn’t.”

Harry laughed too.  “Anytime.”

Niall hung up the phone and hurried back through the house.  He didn’t even bother changing, he just made his way to the garage and opened it with the code.  C-A-S-H.  Bobby was such a douche sometimes.  He pulled his bike out, shut the garage and pedaled as fast as he could down the driveway.  He passed cars and stop signs and bookstores and cafes and couples out walking and people making their way to work, but it was all a blur because the only thing on his mind was his boy and telling him that he needed him and that he was sorry and all the cliché things that couples tell each other in movies when they fight.  But he meant all of them.

His hood blew behind him in the wind and he pedaled faster than he could ever remember pedaling.  His hair was messed up and he was sweating, but he didn’t stop.  He didn’t stop when he reached the docks either.  He rode quickly past all the boats that didn’t matter.  And then he stopped in front of the one that did.  He put his feet on the ground and stared up at the boat, breathing heavily through his mouth, eyes watering.  He stood there for a second, frozen because he didn’t know what to do next, didn’t even know if Zayn was there.

And then the door creaked open.  In the second before Zayn noticed him, he took him in.  He looked tired, but just as beautiful as always.  The hard lines of his face were highlighted in the sun and his eyes were shining despite the dark bags underneath them.  He wore a grey beanie with a few holes in it and his messy hair poked out from underneath.  He was wearing a huge white sweater that covered more than half of his hands and grey jeans.  His face was scruffy like the day they’d met and he looked sad.

And then he looked up.  His honey colored eyes conveyed a million different emotions and Niall didn’t know which one to latch onto.  “Hi,” was all Niall knew to say.

Zayn stared for a second, licked his lips, looked down, then looked back up, eyebrows furrowed as if he didn’t know whether to be mad or to cry.  “Hi.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, I hope you love it. <3

Niall didn’t break eye contact, just locked his gaze on Zayn as he climbed off his bike and propped it up with the kickstand.  He began walking towards Zayn and the boat and he could feel his stomach churning with nerves and emotion and maybe possibly his hangover….

“What?” Zayn asked coldly when Niall reached the edge of the dock.  The next step he took would have to be onto the boat, but he hesitated.

“I just…I’m so sorry, Zayn.  I know that doesn’t mean anything, but I’m sorry.  You know I don’t like her.  I was just-“

“You were scared,” Zayn said quietly, but not harshly.  “I thought about it a lot this morning.  I get it.  You were scared.”

Niall let himself exhale.  “I wanted to be confident.  I’m sorry I made you come to the party.  I don’t care what any of them think,”  He shook his head and his eyes watered earnestly.  “All I care about these days really is you.  I should’ve kissed you on the stairs.  I should’ve kissed you in front of everyone, Zayn because I lov-“ Niall clapped his hand over his mouth and his eyes got wide.  Zayn raised his eyebrows and even though his eyes were tired, they flickered and he smiled warmly.  He held his hand out and Niall laughed a little and took it.  He stepped onto the deck of the boat and Zayn pulled him in.  He slid his hand up the side of Niall’s face and he was breathing deeper as he pressed his forehead to Niall’s.  Their noses touched and he closed his honey-colored eyes.  Niall was holding on to his hips and fisting his sweater to pull him closer.  Finally their lips met, brushing at first and then tangling desperately.  Zayn kissed him like he’d been away at sea for years and Niall kissed back like he’d thought he’d lost him.  Zayn backed him into the wall of the cabin and grabbed the hair at the back of his neck, cupped his face, held him by the neck, just because he didn’t want to stop touching him or stop kissing him.

When he finally did, he was breathless, lips just as chapped as ever and only a little more red.  Niall’s pale blue eyes were clear and wide as he stared back at Zayn with pink lips slightly open.  He swallowed once and then almost whispered, “What I meant to say was, I love you Zayn.”

Zayn stared back in amazement for a second and then his face broke into a smile as he searched Niall’s face, trying to remember all the details of that moment.  “I love you too.”

Niall giggled partly because he felt awkward and partly because he was so happy and nervous and excited.  He’d pictured the morning going a lot worse.

Zayn just kept smiling and looked down at his hands.  “We probably shouldn’t just stand out here like idiots.  The docks’ll be crowded soon and Liam might see and I might be in some shit.  You could come in, yeah?”

He was asking him to come in, but Niall wasn’t sure what else he was asking.  He wanted to find out, but he was scared.  A seagull cried up ahead and he looked up and caught Zayn’s eyes and the honey colored pools were sparkling in the early morning sun and he was smiling shyly, but Niall detected a bit of a smirk too.  He had taken his hand again and was rubbing slow circles on his knuckle with the pad of his thumb.  Niall couldn’t resist, but he couldn’t really form a complete thought either so he just nodded.

Zayn pulled on his hand and opened the door to the cabin.  He led him inside and shut the door behind them.  He locked it and turned to face Niall.  The cabin was warm and orange sunshine flickered through the windows and made everything glow a little.  They stared at each other for a second, both shy, but they both knew what they wanted.

Finally Zayn moved towards Niall and cupped his face in his hands, brushing his cheeks with his thumbs.  He kissed him slow and deep and ran his tongue along his bottom lip, bit at it a little.  Niall bit back and opened his mouth.  Their teeth bumped together when Zayn pushed him against the wall for the second time in ten minutes.  Niall made a noise in the back of his throat because Zayn had him pinned, their bodies completely pressed together.  Zayn moved his hands down Niall’s red patchy cheeks, down the sides of his neck, and to his shoulders.  He pushed them back and kissed him roughly.  His hands grazed Niall’s arms and made their way to his wrists.  He grabbed them and squeezed a little before pulling them up and pinning them against the wall on either side of Niall’s head.  He moaned a little and pushed his hips forward into Zayn’s. 

Zayn kissed Niall’s teeth, the corner of his mouth, and his jaw and then down his neck.  He sucked a splotchy, purple mark onto the skin between Niall’s neck and his collarbone.  Niall bucked his hips toward Zayn’s again and his breathing was shallow and shaky.  “Zayn,” he breathed his name as Zayn bit his shoulder through his jumper.  He let Niall’s wrists go and his hands were immediately on Zayn’s waist.  Zayn grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up his stomach and over his head.  His blonde hair was a mess and Zayn smiled at him and kissed him again.  He ran his hands up Niall’s ribs and let his fingers brush over Niall’s nipples.  He rolled them slowly between his fingers and Niall moaned into his mouth.  All he could do was smirk because that was the noise he was aiming for.

Niall was melting back against the wall, overwhelmed with the feeling of Zayn touching him, but he was tugging at the bottom of Zayn’s jumper and after a few seconds he pulled it off of him, their lips breaking apart for a second in the process.  Zayn took Niall’s face in his hands and pressed his body against his and Niall’s warm chest against his made him shudder, his eyelashes flickering against the tops of his cheeks.  Niall’s hands were running up his back and when Zayn grinded against him, he dragged them back down, fingernails digging into his skin.  Zayn thought of the raised red lines that would be running through his tattoos and he almost lost it.  He bit Niall’s bottom lip harshly and pulled away, thinking about how it was sure to swell and grabbing his hand again.  Niall looked at him questioningly with eyes full of lust, glazed over a bit.  “The bed,” Zayn said simply, his voice raspy.  He led Niall to the small twin bed against the opposite wall, only a white down comforter and a few puffy pillows covering it.  He pushed Niall back onto the bed and he pulled himself up towards the pillows.  Zayn knelt between his knees and pulled the hem of his basketball shorts down low on his hips.  He kissed the skin below his stomach and bit at it a little.  Niall wanted to close his eyes but he couldn’t stop watching from where he was propped up on the pillows.  Zayn’s beanie had fallen off and his hair was messy.  His scruff was too and his eyelashes were so dark they almost looked wet as he looked down and pulled Niall’s shorts past his hips and down his legs.  His tan, tattooed shoulders rose up and down as he breathed and Niall could hardly breathe himself when Zayn lowered his face down to Niall’s erection and took him in his mouth.  With just the head in his mouth, he looked up at Niall through heavily lidded eyes and almost smiled.  Niall exhaled, making a little sound at the end of it. 

He was willing himself not to cum, but as Zayn lowered his head and took Niall completely, hollowing his cheeks and letting it hit the back of his throat, Niall almost lost control.  He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the headboard.  “Zayn,” he moaned, “fuck…I…shit, we have to-“  He wanted to cum so bad he could hardly stand it.  Zayn bobbed up and down a few more times until Niall’s knees were shaking.  He grabbed them and sat up before climbing up Niall’s body and kissing him again.

“Can you taste yourself?” he whispered after a few seconds. 

“Zayn, I want you.  I really, REALLY…” Niall’s voice was shaking almost as much as his legs as Zayn sucked on his earlobe.

He pulled back a little at that and looked Niall in the eyes.  He studied them for a moment and bit his lip.  “Have you done that before, with-“

“No,” Niall breathed, already knowing what he was asking.  He was nervous.  His hands were shaking and his lips were trembling a little.  But he knew he wanted this with Zayn.  He wanted everything with him.

“Are you sure you want this?” Zayn asked, holding eye contact as he propped himself up on his arms just centimeters from Niall’s body.

Niall nodded.   “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“I’m gonna guide you through it, okay?” Zayn said gently and Niall nodded again.  Zayn sat back for a minute and unbuttoned his jeans while Niall watched in a trance.  He pulled them down his hips along with his pants and lifted his legs up to work them the rest of the way off.  Niall’s mouth was hanging open a bit and he was harder than he’d even been when Zayn was going down on him.

Zayn was just as hard and he pumped himself twice, almost absentmindedly before he sat back up on his knees.  He grabbed his jeans and rummaged through the pockets.  A cigarette lighter fell out and onto the bed and he knocked it on to the floor before pulling out a small bottle of lube.  He’d bought it for the party, just in case, and he was embarrassed about it before, but not anymore.  He opened it and squeezed a little onto his fingertips.  He scooted closer to Niall and pushed one of his knees away from the other one gently.  He looked Niall in the eyes and he could see that he was nervous, chest rising and falling heavily.  “Relax, okay?” he reassured him, raising his eyebrows.  “I’m gonna make you feel good.”

Niall watched as Zayn slid two fingers into him, looking down at the pink ring of muscle and gently scissoring his fingers a little, then turning them slowly from side to side.  Niall shifted on the mattress, trying to get used to the feeling.  After a minute had gone by, Zayn pulled his fingers back slowly and slid them in again.  He went easy at first, not wanting to hurt Niall.  He slid his fingers in and out and watched as they got slicker.  Niall closed his eyes and moaned a little, almost whimpered.  Zayn angled his fingers the next time he pushed in deep and he knew he’d hit Niall’s prostate because he groaned and pushed down onto Zayn’s fingers.  “Fuck, Zayn, please-“ he sputtered desperately.

Zayn’s stomach tightened.  Watching his boy, seeing his innocent, angel face contorted in pleasure and knowing that he was the one causing it turned him on more than anything he’d ever done before.  He tried adding a finger, still moving in and out slowly.  Niall pushed onto his fingers again, his erection leaking a little at the head.  Zayn leaned down and licked the tip and Niall shuddered, his shoulders shaking.  Zayn pumped his fingers faster, scissoring a little more to stretch him.  He was so hot and wet and all Zayn could think about was being inside him.  He palmed himself with the hand that wasn’t in Niall because it was almost painful how hard he was.

“Niall, I want to fuck you now,” he said quietly, wondering if he should even let Niall hear him say that.  He didn’t like how vulnerable and wanting his voice sounded, but he couldn’t help it.

Niall nodded.  “Yeah, you should do that.”  He grinned and Zayn blushed.  He pulled his fingers out slowly and looked at the stretched, wet skin that was ready for him.  His heart skipped and he grabbed the little bottle again from where he’d tossed it on the floor.  He poured out a little more onto his fingers and rubbed it over his cock, up and down, slicking himself up.  The friction from his hand gave him the chills, and he lowered himself down over Niall.  He looked him in the eyes and smiled softly.

“I love you, you know that?”

Niall smiled back, just as warmly.  “Yeah I can feel it.  I love you too, Zayn.”  Zayn’s heart felt warm and he felt sure of this as he positioned himself between Niall’s legs and pushed his thighs up a little.  He pushed in slowly, filling Niall up as gently as he could.  He was so tight and warm and Zayn knew he wasn’t going to last long.  Niall exhaled, getting used to the feeling of having Zayn inside him.  He moved his hips up to Zayn sooner than Zayn would’ve expected, so he started rocking into him as slowly and gently as he could.  He closed his eyes and held on to Niall’s hips.  Niall was fisting his hands in the sheets and closing his eyes, head rolled back against the wall, just feeling everything.

“Niall,” Zayn moaned as he thrust into him, “You feel so good.  Fuck.”  His arms were shaking, and his knees were too from holding himself up.

Niall was so close he could feel his stomach clenching and a warm feeling creeping up his legs and spine.  Zayn must’ve read his mind because he took his dripping erection his hand and pumped a few times before Niall spilled over his knuckles and onto his own stomach.  Zayn kept thrusting into Niall and his breath shuddered as Niall pushed back.  He grabbed Zayn’s hair and was pulling it and after a few more thrusts, it was enough to make Zayn lose it.  “You’re gonna make me cum, babe,” he breathed as he pushed one more time, hard and deep into Niall.  He let go and Niall felt the warmth filling him up and he moaned.   Zayn’s face was angelic; he was completely lost in bliss when he came, his lips slightly parted and his eyes shut tightly.  He opened them and stared back into Niall’s before collapsing on top of him and pulling out slowly.  Niall leaked onto the sheets and Zayn wiped his hand on the side of the bed.  He pulled Niall to his side and folded around him.  Their noses were almost touching and Niall was breathing a little heavily and smiling warmly, eyes heavy and tired and content.  Zayn brushed a few sweaty hairs from his forehead and smiled back, running his fingers across Niall’s cheek.

“I love you.  I can’t say it enough now,” he whispered.

Niall’s eyes watered and he smiled.  “I love you too,” he said softly. 

The boat rocking on the water and the sun coming through the windows and warming the room created the perfect cocoon for the boys to fall asleep in and they did, slowly, foreheads touching and Zayn clasping Niall’s fingers lazily in one hand, legs tangled and bodies touching under the covers.


End file.
